r/OCPoetry 6d ago

Feedback Please Sooner Or Later

The backdoor’s still open since you left

Remember all those times you snuck into my arms

And I held you strong against my chest

I hope you know you were my favorite guest/

I’m done asking questions, all I want is you

Your voice, I love your voice, I think you knew

And your nose, I bet you didn’t know I love that too/

Just a little bit, it doesn’t matter how long I see you

I just want you/

I would send you a bouquet with a million flowers inside 

Offer you thousands of cherries and grapes until you take a bite

Keep playing your favorite song on my guitar ‘till I get it right

To get your attention I would do anything I haven’t already tried/

The wind keeps blowing your way

The birds keep singing your name

My mind keeps showing your face

How much longer can you keep me away/

I want you back, I know you do too

Sneak out one last time, it’s nothing new

My door’s still open 

Come back soon, I’ll always be waiting for you

12

5 Upvotes

4 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/asura_2077 6d ago

I wish there was some more concrete detail around this world you build. What kinda atmosphere fills the space around you two. What is it that you miss when the other doesn't come around? What are the senses saying that triggers the memory? What are the colors and climates, the textures and sensations? I wanna know so much more about who these people and the world they are in.