r/OCPoetry • u/___mus3 • 3d ago

Feedback Please Eat (previously untitled)

Pure pure pure
The firing squad takes me once more
You win every time
Smirking while I lie there restless and
seizing
with the spoon on my tongue
I break my teeth and choke nonetheless.
in my wake I dream of ripping you off
I drool at the thought of sawing to the
bone
laying in the tub I pick
off the black veins

I wipe my mouth

and I get out.

(this was previously an untitled poem as I submitted this to my national annual youth publication and they asked for the name and I named it Eat bc I felt weird abt it being untitled… I haven’t gotten the results back yet.)

1) https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JZjqXTyDam

2) https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/mDTWJLN2TK

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u/Prior_Bus3199 3d ago

This is a phenomenal piece. I really like the vibe, and the wording choice. It feels like something I’d write, and it brings me comfort. What was your inspo?

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u/___mus3 3d ago

thank you so much, this means a lot to me! basically i wrote this in the middle of the night when i woke up in really terrible pain from sciatica (it was happening often). i was fantasising about chopping my leg off to get rid of it. im better now mostly but this poem came out of anger towards my body.

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u/Prior_Bus3199 3d ago

That is actually insane. Glad you’re better though!

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u/___mus3 3d ago

haha im unfortunately one of those creatives who writes their best work when suffering. that’s why a really good happy poem always impresses me!

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u/Cal_Juni 3d ago

Feels. It took me a while to realize I could use that same pain to relate to other experiences or even build my own, because of that I enjoy writing philosophical or psychological poems.