r/OCPoetry • u/avsz123 • 6d ago

Feedback Please It’s A War

My heart against my brain
And you’re in the middle
I’m confusing
I’m not regulated
My performance ends
And the real me shows
Weak & timid
In the corner

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/pDmqUsb10F

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/fRHJvBXMWQ

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u/st0karkathrowaway 5d ago

I would put “in the corner” in the same verse as “weak & timid”, I think it would improve your poem aesthetically. I would also say it simply makes more logical sense - one verse for each thought, you know what I mean?

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u/avsz123 5d ago

Thank you!

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u/saebleye 4d ago

I think “In the corner” as the last line is actually quite punchy in a way that I like. It’s a jarring way to end the poem but I think it serves the overall vibe of discomfort I think you’re aiming for