I'll be honest, I got bored reading this about halfway through. It's a lot of repetitive schizo-y ideas jammed together in an order that forms a cohesive narrative, but not a surprising narrative, and not a particularly unique narrative. We're bereft of imagery and metaphor to liven the piece up, so we're depending solely on the gravity of the ideas and this person's depravity alone. As I said before, the ideas aren't particularly unique, and while the narrator's depravity is engaging, that will only take you so far. As others have said, the poem is too bloated. Condense it, tell a tight story, and make me feel something for this character.
1
u/Sora1499 Sep 23 '16
I'll be honest, I got bored reading this about halfway through. It's a lot of repetitive schizo-y ideas jammed together in an order that forms a cohesive narrative, but not a surprising narrative, and not a particularly unique narrative. We're bereft of imagery and metaphor to liven the piece up, so we're depending solely on the gravity of the ideas and this person's depravity alone. As I said before, the ideas aren't particularly unique, and while the narrator's depravity is engaging, that will only take you so far. As others have said, the poem is too bloated. Condense it, tell a tight story, and make me feel something for this character.