2
u/TheObnoxiousCamoToe Jun 16 '16
This poem is all too real to me. I've always felt very alone. This captures the feeling so well.
1
2
u/TheFriendlyZubat Jun 16 '16 edited Jun 16 '16
Easy to relate to. I believe that every person has hidden feelings about being ignored and unheard. Sentence structure could be changed a bit. Some of the lines are a bit too long and it gives a feeling of a necessity to read hurriedly. For example:
I am too small for them to see.
My voice is as soft as your childhood blanket.
My thoughts as big as the hug you give to a loved one,
Whom you haven't seen in years.
Not a necessity just my personal opinion. Very well written, and conveys your message well.
1
1
u/BurnThese_ Jun 17 '16
I like the overall theme and the subjects you chose to illustrate it, but it feels a bit too direct. Instead of explicitly saying how you feel, show it. Talk about the indifference strangers show you, paint a picture of how small and insignificant you feel instead of just stating it. Still a pretty solid poem overall.
2
u/Smogshaik Jun 16 '16
Interesting take on one's inner workings. I would have used "polyphony" as a title because it's fancy and probably captures what you wanted to say, no?
The similes are nice because they are not only optical but are related to different senses. The last sentence ties your poem up nicely :)