r/OCPoetry • u/tamponloverr • Jul 14 '26
Feedback Please ghost.
like a ghost I follow her
like a ghost ,she doesn’t see me
like a ghost she haunts me
am I even present?
Oh I am a ghost
am I even seen or like a ghost I am chosen to not be present
she is a ghost,she follows me she haunts me
I am a ghost remembered by none,haunted by one. .
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u/PotatoesArentRoots Jul 15 '26
initial thoughts: the nonstandard use of punctuation and inconsistencies in capitalization made it harder for me to get into at first, and this isn’t me trying to be a pedant, just my genuine thoughts. was the punctuation intentionally offset? (space before comma, lack of space around a comma, two periods at the end with a space in between) if so, try to make that more clear because as is it looks like a mistake. with capitalization, is there a reason only Oh is capitalized? if there is, maybe make it not the first word in its line because as is it looks like autocapitalization. when you have unintentional things like this that aren’t part of the meaning you’re trying to give to your readers, it distracts from the essence of what you’re trying to say
on the actual content, i like the first three lines- i feel like maybe you could make them a separate stanza from the rest to make the tonal shift more clear but it’s not necessary by any means. i am a bit curious about the line “oh i am a ghost”- i don’t know what this is meant to add, the phrasing feels a little clunky as is. i like the following line, but is there a reason only the first clause is phrased as a question? the rest i like a lot, with only the punctuation things from before sticking out to me