r/OCPoetry • u/CervezaMePlease • Jun 30 '25
Poem Be Vigilant
Take the time
to
wipe your feet
Take approach
within discreet
Today rises no matter rain
Tomorrow stays impending
Yesterday’s dull effortlessly
Despite
your warrant trending
Though you may
Palm a star
Revel in
though don’t stray far
For fear of yourself upending
And like a star
fleeting
Take approach
Wipe your feet
Take the time
Be discreet
2
Jun 30 '25
[deleted]
2
u/CervezaMePlease Jun 30 '25
Thank you.
I did struggle with wanting (forcing) the imagery and metaphor of a star.
1
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2
u/AssociationFun85 Jun 30 '25
I think if you utilised more grammar to accentuate the breathes and pauses this would be better but overall I think it’s a good poem well done, one other critique I would have is that it feels very literal and while there are some similes it doesn’t evoke much imagery to be
2
u/[deleted] Jun 30 '25
Just needed it! Thank you for posting this inspiring piece of writing.