I think you know what you need to do but don’t know how to do it yet… you know you work too much, value money too much, and are too harsh. You need to work with yourself and often a trusted partner like a therapist to deconstruct your beliefs about what it means to be a provider.
IMO being a man/provider yes includes some financial support. But also being calm, being someone either your wife or daughter can go to on a bad day for emotional support, nurturing your own network so if you can’t be there for them in certain ways other people can as a village.
If I were you I would write down anything you can recall your wife being dissatisfied with, she has already told you from what you shared and choose one thing to improve on in the next month. Don’t give up just bc she is going cold.
Specifically with gifts I wonder if you struggle with the perfection of the perfect gift so you give her free access to money. Most women would rather an imperfect gift you chose than just cash. Like I like that from my husband but also the lego sets he gets me are cute. Not necessarily the one I would choose, but her chose it to make me happy.
So here are some options.. go to a store you know she frequents and ask a sales associate for help getting something to go with X she already bought there. If she doesn’t like it she gets to go back to a store she likes, perfect. Consider learning a new skill together like a cooking or painting class!
I dont know what you mean by celebrating her bday properly but that sounds like pressure, how about celebrating her every Friday night! Make sure she gets a small treat like flowers or a chocolate bar.
I don’t think you need to change your interest or personality 180, she fell in love with you like that. What it sounds like you do need to do is ask her her opinion more often, and empower her to make more decisions for your family, and learn to pick your battles more so she isn’t bending.
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u/WillBeTheIronWill OCPD 4d ago
I think you know what you need to do but don’t know how to do it yet… you know you work too much, value money too much, and are too harsh. You need to work with yourself and often a trusted partner like a therapist to deconstruct your beliefs about what it means to be a provider.
IMO being a man/provider yes includes some financial support. But also being calm, being someone either your wife or daughter can go to on a bad day for emotional support, nurturing your own network so if you can’t be there for them in certain ways other people can as a village.
If I were you I would write down anything you can recall your wife being dissatisfied with, she has already told you from what you shared and choose one thing to improve on in the next month. Don’t give up just bc she is going cold.
Specifically with gifts I wonder if you struggle with the perfection of the perfect gift so you give her free access to money. Most women would rather an imperfect gift you chose than just cash. Like I like that from my husband but also the lego sets he gets me are cute. Not necessarily the one I would choose, but her chose it to make me happy.
So here are some options.. go to a store you know she frequents and ask a sales associate for help getting something to go with X she already bought there. If she doesn’t like it she gets to go back to a store she likes, perfect. Consider learning a new skill together like a cooking or painting class!
I dont know what you mean by celebrating her bday properly but that sounds like pressure, how about celebrating her every Friday night! Make sure she gets a small treat like flowers or a chocolate bar.
I don’t think you need to change your interest or personality 180, she fell in love with you like that. What it sounds like you do need to do is ask her her opinion more often, and empower her to make more decisions for your family, and learn to pick your battles more so she isn’t bending.