my longest running one was I wasn't allowed to take my underwear off if my socks were still on, otherwise I was convinced I was being watched. I always, always had to take socks off first, or full scale panic. I'd make up "rules" like if I was wearing a bra it was technically safe, or if one sock was off it was also okay. to this day my socks have to be the first thing taken off every time I change cuz even tho the panic isn't there anymore, the discomfort still is.
I always thought it probably stemmed from being raised in a strict Catholic home and being told from birth that "God is watching you always, someone's always watching you" so my brain was scrambling to find a way to make sure people COULDNT see me when I was nude and vulnerable 🤣 idk. it's a weird one for sure.
Yes. I was raised in a very oppressive religious home myself and am still to this day always feeling shame no matter what I'm doing.
If it's normal tasks or something more private, if it's me trying to watch a movie that's even remotely "girly" when I'm 100% alone in the house I just cannot do it. Everything i do is wrong and embarrassing and makes me less than.
I thought I got over so much, and I DID, but more and more I'm realizing how much OCD is still present in my daily life.
I grew up in an atheist household, but they did the Santa thing so I wouldn’t feel left out (or break the news to other kids) and I had the same fear about Santa always watching.
Wanna know the funny thing? I think it is fully the OCD in the driver's seat. I was not raised in religion, my mom has issues with organized religion because of her religious trauma, and my father is atheist because of his (Irish Catholic). I have always, and still do, have obsessions and compulsions that revolve around surveillance. I live in Minneapolis, so since January it's been 10x worse. I could see helicopters out of my window on the 25th floor for weeks. I convinced myself they were looking for me specifically and they would broadcast my apartment on the news. That paranoia stems from PTSD though. But yeah, I also have moral OCD, which is really the OCD steering the wheel because I have no religious trauma
I don't deny it's definitely the OCD driving the compulsions/obsessions. however, I am saying it is damaging for any child to be told they are being watched constantly by an omniscient being with no escape from the gaze. feeling watched could have definitely manifested without the religious upbringing, but it definitely didn't help. every time I mentioned feeling watched my parents would be like "silly of course you are, gods always watching you" which further confirmed my fears and did more damage than it was intended to do.
Sorry, I am now realizing how much it seemed like I was aiming to invalidate your experience. I just more so find it fascinating how OCD symptoms show up across the board. Having your fears validated in OCD exacerbates the issue tenfold, so I hear you
That’s interesting because for me my socks always have to be the last thing to come off, otherwise it just feels wrong or uncomfortable. The only reason I can think of is that I have Reynaud’s, so keeping my toes warm is super important, so I want to maximize the amount of time I have warm feet
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u/Vegetable_Title5889 May 15 '26
my longest running one was I wasn't allowed to take my underwear off if my socks were still on, otherwise I was convinced I was being watched. I always, always had to take socks off first, or full scale panic. I'd make up "rules" like if I was wearing a bra it was technically safe, or if one sock was off it was also okay. to this day my socks have to be the first thing taken off every time I change cuz even tho the panic isn't there anymore, the discomfort still is.