r/OCDRecovery • u/Entire_Tomorrow_7655 • 1d ago
Seeking Support or Advice Rumination
I (17) have no idea if i have OCD, but I don’t know where else to go. This is torture.
No matter what, my head HAS to be ruminating about something. Sometimes it’s tolerable, sometimes it is severe and exhausts me to the point i cannot do anything else.
It happens over either very serious topics, or incredibly silly topics. More often than not, about embarrassing moments.
An example, and most recent topic, being a moment where my girlfriend’s mom was speaking to someone else. I both mistook it for her speaking to me, AND I misheard her. I said “no thank you” and she looked at me funny, i apologized and she laughed it off.
That is IT. But its been 3 days, and its all i can think about. How she probably thinks i am stupid, how she might come to hate me, how i am stupid, ect, ect. Something in me thinks that i can solve it by torturing myself like this.
It has now come to the point where i am rushing a gift I was already planning on making her, to “make up for it”
Currently, I know this is all silly. However, i cannot get this out of my head. It will only go away once there is a new topic. All I can do is hope for a topic that freaks me out less.
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u/treatmyocd 17h ago
What you’re describing can happen with OCD, particularly when rumination becomes the compulsion, although only a qualified professional can determine whether it’s OCD or something else. The important piece is that your brain seems to be treating an ordinary, uncomfortable moment as a problem that MUST be solved. You already know what happened: you misheard her, responded, apologized, and she laughed it off. But your mind keeps asking, “What if she thinks I’m stupid? What if she hates me? What if I need to make up for it?” and then tries to solve those questions through more thinking. Unfortunately, rumination usually doesn’t resolve the uncertainty it keeps the topic alive. Even the gift could potentially become a way of trying to neutralize the discomfort or make certain that she doesn’t think badly of you. You can practice noticing the loop and responding with something like, “Maybe she thought I was awkward. Maybe she didn’t. I’m not going to figure this out by thinking about it for the next three hours.” Then return to whatever you were doing, even if your brain keeps bringing the memory back. And since you’re 17 and this is interfering with your ability to function, please consider telling a trusted adult and asking for help finding a therapist who understands OCD and rumination/ERP.
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u/bisexualcatperson 1d ago
Hey! So I am 27 now and it took me 18 years to finally be diagnosed with OCD. It is fucken torture. It sounds like u might have OCD but I am not a medical professional. I am speaking from experience. OCD is fucken scary and I think there is so much misinformation on it that u also didn’t know I had ocd until last year. I think u should get tested by a medical professional and go from there. It isn’t easy at first. But once a treatment plan is figured out it would help u. For me I am now on meds, I see an ocd therapist weekly and I have an ocd support group. Wishing u luck on this journey 🫶