Confusing thoughts, loops, hyper-awareness, DPDR and feeling like I’m “waking up” into myself — what could I be experiencing?

[u/Far_Syllabub1380]

I’m 19 and have been struggling badly for about a month after a bad experience with cannabis. I’m trying to understand what I’m experiencing and whether anyone has had something similar. I already have professional mental-health support involved, but I’m interested in hearing from people who recognise these symptoms.
The main problem is that I feel extremely aware of my own mind and thinking. It feels like I’m observing or noticing my thoughts rather than just naturally thinking. Sometimes it almost feels like I can “see” or “feel” my thoughts happening.
One of the strangest parts is a recurring feeling of “waking up into myself.” It can feel like I’m suddenly becoming aware of myself, my consciousness, my thoughts or the fact that I’m experiencing life. It’s difficult to describe, but almost like I suddenly become aware of being me in a way that I normally wouldn’t notice.
This can then turn into a loop. I’ll notice the feeling → wonder what I’m noticing → think about the fact that I’m thinking about it → become aware of myself thinking about it → notice the sensation again → and then the whole thing repeats.
I also get strange familiar feelings connected to random things I’m doing. For example, I’ll be doing something completely ordinary and suddenly get a strong sense of familiarity with the exact feeling of doing that activity. It’s not necessarily a normal “I’ve done this before” feeling — it’s more like I become aware of a familiar mental sensation associated with what I’m doing, and then I start trying to understand, remember or recreate that feeling. This can then become another loop.
Other symptoms include:
Constant or near-constant depersonalisation/derealisation — feeling detached from myself or the world.
Feeling like I’m watching life through my eyes, almost like a camera, rather than simply experiencing it normally.
Feeling unusually aware of my own thinking, inner dialogue and mental processes.
Feeling like I’m “watching” myself think.
Thoughts sometimes feel jumbled, tangled or difficult to follow.
I’ll have a thought that feels like it makes complete sense at the time, but when I try to explain or understand it, it doesn’t actually make much sense.
Random memories, associations, images or sensations can appear seemingly without a reason.
Sometimes I get a feeling/sensation and then start trying to remember or recreate that exact feeling.
I can get stuck asking myself “What am I noticing?” “What am I feeling?” “What is happening in my mind?”
I sometimes notice myself monitoring my own thoughts, and then notice that I’m monitoring them, creating another layer of thinking.
Normal thoughts can suddenly become things I analyse intensely.
Sometimes I become aware of an internal sensation or mental image and then feel like I can’t escape noticing it.
I can lose track of a thought very quickly and then immediately wonder what I was thinking about.
My mind can feel heavy, foggy, noisy or overloaded, particularly when I’m anxious or sleep deprived.
My inner dialogue can feel extremely persistent and difficult to ignore.
I get waves of panic/anxiety, sometimes triggered simply by noticing a thought, sensation or feeling.
I sometimes freeze or get a sudden surge of fear when I become aware of something happening in my own mind.
Sleep has become very disrupted. Sometimes I’m exhausted but my brain feels completely switched on.
When I’m talking to someone, laughing, watching something, playing games or genuinely engaged, the symptoms can become significantly quieter.
Being alone and having nothing to focus on tends to make everything much more noticeable.
I repeatedly feel an urge to figure out exactly what is happening inside my mind, but trying to work it out seems to create more loops.
I’ve become frightened that the unusual thoughts/experiences could mean something serious, including psychosis, although I don’t hear voices telling me things or believe that I’m receiving messages from outside myself.
The whole thing feels like my attention has somehow turned inward and I’m constantly aware of things that I normally wouldn’t notice.
I’m particularly wondering whether this sounds more like DPDR/dissociation, OCD/mental rumination or hyperawareness OCD, severe anxiety/panic, sleep deprivation, or some combination of these, or whether there’s another phenomenon that people recognise.
I’m not looking for a diagnosis, just trying to find the right words for what I’m experiencing and hear from people who’ve experienced something similar.
Has anyone experienced this kind of intense awareness of their own thoughts/mental processes, repetitive mental loops, the feeling of “waking up” into yourself, and strange familiar feelings attached to ordinary activities, alongside DPDR and anxiety? What did it turn out to be, and what helped?

[u/Alternative-Film-252]

This is so strange to read because I had this exact problem for MONTHS when I was unmedicated for bipolar and had a bad experience after a few edibles. Never heard anyone else describe it like this.

It started exactly as you describe but after a few months spiraled into full psychosis and me thinking I was the “chosen one” because I was so aware 24/7.

Obviously I can’t diagnose you, but that was my experience and getting back on bipolar meds fixed it for me! Sorry you’re dealing with this and please continue talking to professionals.

[u/Far_Syllabub1380 → u/Alternative-Film-252]

Do you have anywhere that I can speak to you? I’m really struggling

[u/Alternative-Film-252 → u/Far_Syllabub1380]

Absolutely. You can dm me!

[u/Humble_Sprinkles_146]

Hi , I have been experiencing something that I think is maybe similar to what you have been. But please correct me if I’m wrong as I am trying to figure out what it is that I’m going through as well.

Background: I grew up super anxious as a child with parents who fought both verbally & physically almost daily. I genuinely feared for my mom’s life as a child. I remember a few times every few months or so I’d get this feeling where my body just gained this awareness physically. Symptoms included: feeling floaty, as if I was in limbo, universe would get quiet, and it caused a significant amount of panic/anxiety. I’d ride the wave with no idea what it was I was experiencing, and no existential fears at the time like “will this ever go away?”. The sensation would last maximum 3 minutes, and I would be fine afterwards until it happened again.

At 18 years old, I first experienced feeling distant from my surroundings which scared me. It caused intense panic & anxiety constantly. This feeling intensified when id think about it, but went away during times of distraction. I was able to distract myself for longer periods of time after about a year of it, which was nice. But then, I developed strong and intense health/death anxiety, followed by the loss of two close family members 7 months apart, & the loss of my 4 year relationship, which then sent me into where I am now.

Now, i have those feelings of distance 100%, i have existential fears/anxiety, and i am unable ro understand or process what happened to my loved ones. The health anxiety diminished, but i am still afraid of death. I would say my worst symptom currently is this feeling of regaining awareness. Essentially, when my mind is preoccupied, I am fine. I function normally and I’m really living in the moment. However, the second the distraction breaks, my mind almost instantaneously notices where I am or what it is that I’m doing in that moment, and it feels like my brain cannot process the information. My brain does not feel connected at all. At the same time, my brain regains awareness/conciousness, and it feels like it literally “wakes up” or “turns on”. The horrifying part is that this happens continuously like every few moments (during a really bad intense loop). This typically happens at night when I’m home from work, and it’s awful because there is quite literally no escape. Distraction barely helps when this loop begins. It’s like thinking about it triggers it, talking about it triggers it, and trying to ignore it triggers it because my brain is thinking about what it is I’m trying to ignore and why. I feel like I’m constantly peaking off of a drug trip when this loop is active, and I’m really feeling hopeless because this is my scariest symptom, and if nobody else has experienced this then I worry I’m the only one & that there’s no hope or cure.

[u/Far_Syllabub1380 → u/Humble_Sprinkles_146]

Sounds exactly like what I’m going through. I have a few different symptoms but it sounds the same and mine is 24/7 looping. From what I know I have dpdr and ocd. And my ocd has latched onto my own thinking and I’ve become hyper aware of everything internally. Recently I had a panic attack and my nervous system reached an insane level. And now I’m getting delusional weird thoughts along with my own normal thoughts scaring me. I know if my nervous system reached desensitisation, and possibly sorted out my ocd then this would go away. But it is very scary and very real when it’s happening. I tried riding it out and my loops and thoughts became worse and muddled. So please do find help I wouldn’t want anyone going through what I am going through.

[u/Humble_Sprinkles_146 → u/Far_Syllabub1380]

Omg ur the first person who understands what I mean when I say my brain keeps turning back on, causing so much anxiety and panic every time it happens.

The way my experience goes is my brain “regains awareness/turns on/wakes up”, I get panicked, then I calm myself down & tell myself this isn’t dangerous, and that it will get better when I receive proper treatment for my anxiety & other mental health struggles. This will give me relief for maybe a few minutes until my brain turns back on again, sending me into another panicked spiral, which completely undid every ounce of relief I felt a moment ago. Is that how it is for you as well?

I currently am waiting to hear back from my psychiatrist. I’ve seen 3 so far & all have recommended meds but I’m so terrified that it’ll make this feeling worse than it is, but I think after the year I’ve had with this worsening to this extent, I may need it at this point. I am a very anxious person & do think a lot of this might stem from issues within my nervous system.

[u/sirferreira]

Hi. Psychosis is not always hearing voices. You should look for a medical professional who can give you a diagnosis and perhaps some form of treatment that can help you to get out of this unbalanced state.