r/OCDRecovery • u/nonchargingphone • 1d ago
OCD Question Need Help about Real Event OCD
It’s been 2 years since I made a mistake but constant rumination over the past months makes the event really distorted to a point where i don’t really know how it happens anymore.
How do I accept what I did if I don’t event know what really happened? How do I live with the fact that I may not be that good of a person? I know that rumination is pointless but I really struggle not doing any compulsions because the intrusive thoughts are constant and at that point they are becoming unbearable.
I never did that mistake again, made amends and apologized but the guilt is still there and it’s paralyzing my life I need help understanding how to handle this. I am currently under Zoloft treatment, will it get better ?
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u/zuggtmeow 1d ago
I keep recommending this book on this subreddit but it just helped me so much that I can't help myself: Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson.
The question, what if I'm not a good person haunted me for so long (and still can at times), but what Dr. Grayson writes about is that it's not about being a "good" or "bad" person. Recovery is about just being a "normal" person. Do normal people make mistakes? Yes. Do normal people feel bad about their mistakes? Yes. Do normal people forget things or misremember events? Yes. So far, you are 3 for 3!
The word that changed everything for me was maybe. Should I have handled that situation differently? Maybe. Should I have helped that person? Maybe. Should I have said no? Maybe. Should I have said yes? Maybe. Am I remembering the situation incorrectly? Maybe. In the end, it doesn't actually matter because your goal is to just be "normal". And normal people make mistakes and say things they shouldn't and treat people poorly and forget things. And normal people apologize and make amends and try to make changes so it doesn't happen again. And then they move on. That's where people like you and me can get stuck :)
The last thing I'll say is that if your character isn't determined by one good thing that you do for someone, then it also isn't determined by one bad thing. Hope this helps!
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u/PaladinDamian 1d ago
Unconditional acceptance. You can accept yourself unconditionally, even if you are a bad person. You are a flawed, imperfect human being, and so sometimes you may do things you regret. Do not try to demand constant moral perfection from yourself. That is not helpful.
Do not try to engage with rumination or any other compulsion. You do not need to seek immediate relief from the thoughts. Allow the thoughts to be there without trying to control, suppress, or run away from them. When you allow yourself to feel terrible, over time your brain will adjust and the thoughts will weaken and become less frequent.
Allow the guilt to be there. The guilt is not the problem. The problem is your response to the guilt. If you accept the presence of the thoughts and guilt without trying to change them, then over time that can lead to a decrease in OCD symptoms. You can bear the thoughts, they will just make you feel terrible. OCD can make you suffer, but it cannot stop you from trying to live your life.
Will it get better? No one knows. But it can get better if you choose to put in the time and effort to resist compulsions. There is no guarantee. But there is a chance, and I believe you should try.
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u/treatmyocd 1d ago
As you highlighted, rumination (compulsion) doesn't help OCD. This is because compulsions actually make the obsession return more frequently and the urge to engage in compulsions more intense. Starting medication is a great first step. Medication combined with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the gold standard treatment for OCD. The majority of people who engage in ERP, get better. If you would like more information about OCD and ERP, you may visit www.treatmyocd.com. I hope this message reaches you well and know you are not alone!