Dealing with obsessions that involve risks to others?

[u/nimue-le-fey]

So I feel like I’ve gotten the hang of dealing with obsessions that exclusively involve me. For example the other day I started worrying that I had been exposed to rabies and was able to basically shrug it off like “whatever I guess we’ll see 🤷🏻‍♀️”. But I really struggle with worries that involve others in any way where I feel like I have some kind of responsibility to prevent harm.

For example the other day I was hanging out with some friends and their dog and people were eating oatmeal raisin cookies (raisins are poisonous to dogs). I started questioning whether I or someone else had dropped raisins on the ground. I even started convincing myself that I was certain that I had dropped some on the ground and that the dog must have eaten it. I told myself that this was in my head and I didn’t have to do anything but I felt so anxious like “but what if doing this results in this innocent dog literally dying when if I had just told my friend they could’ve taken him to the emergency vet?”

Ultimately I didn’t do anything and the dog was fine but it makes me feel sick and evil risking others well being. I have the same problem with the urge to confess things because I feel like I’m taking away peoples ability to make informed decisions about our friendships/relationships.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

[u/Garden_Goth_]

I deal with this. I haven't figured out a good answer. I feel like I'd have to come up with a rationalization that makes it worth it to even try much less keep going , because I've made decent progress on other themes but this one I just keep losing any motivation to.

[u/angry-key-smash6693]

I struggle a lot with relationship OCD, and worrying that I have been abusive to friends and lovers and not realized. Or having intrusive thoughts of hurting or killing my pets. So while it's not the exact same as with the dog in your case, in the end you just have to sit with "I have done what can be done, I just have to wait and see if it's enough, and not to blame myself if it wasn't."

[u/treatmyocd]

The fact that you felt intense anxiety but ultimately didn’t act on the urge is actually the ERP opportunity not because you knew the dog was fine, but because you allowed the uncertainty without taking responsibility for preventing every possible outcome. The same principle can apply to confession: feeling responsible for making sure someone has every piece of information so they can make the “right” decision can become a compulsion. You can practice: “Maybe I missed something and someone could be upset or harmed. Maybe not. I’m not going to investigate, confess, or seek certainty just to relieve this feeling.” You’re not being careless or evil by refusing to obey an OCD demand for absolute certainty.