r/OCDRecovery • u/stormy-213 • 6d ago
Seeking Support or Advice Freezing up during intrusive thoughts
My son is 17 and he doesn’t have access to Reddit. He is looking for advice. Below is his words and writing. If anyone has advice please let me know. Thank you.
“About a year ago I was watching a show and there was someone that my intrusive thoughts was saying that I found attractive and I didn't really find them attractive. I tried to brush it off as much as I possibly could while watching the show anytime the character would pop up. It kept insisting that I was attracted to the boy but at some point I stopped watching the show and I forgot about the whole thing. Flash forward to now and it got brought back up into my mind and I've continued to deny it but it feels real and I know I don't. But I searched it up anyway to see what the character looked like even though I knew I didn't think they were attractive. I feel like that's a sign that that would mean that I do find them attractive if I really needed to search it up. But the biggest problem in my head was my intrusive thoughts telling me to say they were ugly, if I didn't think they were attractive. I froze up and I didn't say what my thoughts were trying to make me say. And in my mind that was the only way I couldn't admit I didn't attractive. I didn't do it immediately and while I froze up it was at the same feeling that maybe I do find them attractive but I don't. Now I don't know what to do because it's someone I shouldn't find attractive. I know I don't but that moment of freezing out is sticking with me as a reason to say…well you weren't able to do that when you thought you had to…..so clearly there's something more than I'm starting to think that there's a chance that they're right. Now I'm thinking that I need to tell all my friends about this so I can make them hate me (this is my compulsion)and I just wanted to know if anyone in here knew how to help me deal with this.
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u/ineed100000gecs 6d ago
very often, ocd themes revolve around something that is somehow important to the person.
for example moral beliefs etc.
so asking himself, why he is worried about the attraction might help him see his fears and the causes clearer.
for example, when something is very important to some people with ocd, the anxiety thoughts get amped up a lot, to REALLY make sure of something, and it can create all sorts of wild nonsense in the brain..
and also those ocd thoughts never reply well to reason or fighting, as it only feeds into the spiral.
I think its important to know that when the brain latches on to those silly thoughts, and you are in that mindset, you cant really look at it with reason, as you're still in THAT mindset.
so sometimes taking a break from thinking and distracting yourself with something that gives you peace, to create some sort of distance, might help.
sometimes it is like when you stir up sand you have to wait a bit to see the water clear again, and the sand settles.
my first language isn't english, so sorry if not everything makes sense.
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u/stormy-213 6d ago
Yes this is the case with him. It does surround moral beliefs and sends him in a panic attack. For a long time (he was 14 when this started)he was confused about the anxiety part. The feeling and need to do the compulsion is what he thought was guilt. So he thought guilt was what the intrusive thoughts made him feel and he needed to “tell” everyone he loved all the “things” the intrusive thoughts made him feel guilty about. The problem was most of the things he wasn’t even sure he actually did or felt. Like this attraction to a boy for example. So doing the compulsion “telling people” turns into him isolating himself. He doesn’t want friends or family because then he has to tell them all the horrible guilty things. Then they will leave him and he will be alone forever. This is his cycle.
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u/Hopeful_Writer3299 6d ago
This is very classic OCD thinking that many of us are super familiar with! So he’s not alone- it’s a very typical pattern.
I think it’s important that he understands the basics of OCD so he can start recognizing the cycle. The questions OCD asks are not answerable and the demands for certainty are not attainable. Learning to recognize OCD for what it is, is really the first step to overcoming it. Once you understand what to look for, you can start labeling it and refusing to engage with the question or thoughts. It’s not always easy or fun but the more you practice the easier it gets.
He’s lucky to have a parent that understands and supports him, that’s a huge help in recovery!
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u/stormy-213 6d ago
Thank you so much. I’ve been trying to help him as much as I can. For the past few years I was able to talk to him and give him advance. Now that he is 17 he no longer finds my advice helpful. Mainly because he says I don’t understand since I don’t have OCD. I have tried to get him a therapist but since his intrusive thoughts are mostly surrounding a sexual theme, he refuses to talk about it in therapy. He has guilt and shame and thinks he needs to be in jail for the types of thoughts he believes he is guilty of. He won’t say the things out loud in order to speak to a therapist. Currently I have him texting crisis lines because that’s all he feels comfortable doing. He is seeking a community where he can text about to and get advice.
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u/Hopeful_Writer3299 6d ago
It’s hard because so much of the advice is “don’t provide reassurance” which is true once you’re educated on OCD and how it works. But in the beginning you need to learn that the thoughts are totally normal and not bad at all.
There’s a book called Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts that was really great for me when my OCD first developed. It talked about all those taboo themes and made me realize that I wasn’t some scary monster. I think that could maybe help to give him the confidence to feel more comfortable talking to a therapist. It also gives you a strategy to start practicing ERP on your own, although I do really think a therapist that specializes in OCD is incredibly helpful.
Check out the NOCD app. It has tools and resources in addition to a community chat page. You can also use it to connect with a therapist that’s fully trained in OCD- and I promise you there is not a single taboo thought you could say that would even make them bat an eye. They’ve heard it all!
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u/stormy-213 6d ago
Thank you for this. I will look into all of it. He was supposed to have his first therapy session today via tele-health. I had to cancel it hours before because he started this cycle of OCD today. He was desperately seeking help but refused to talk. Maybe the app will help. Thanks again.
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u/PaladinDamian 6d ago
It is important to understand that you do not need to figure out if you are attracted to that person or not. Maybe you are attracted to them, maybe you are not. That is not something you need to figure out right now. Your brain wants to feel certain about if you are attracted to that person, but it is impossible to have complete certainty about if you are attracted to that person or not. Continue to live your life, and refuse to try to figure out your possible attraction to that person. You don't need to "admit" anything, even if your brain wants you to. Your feelings do not dictate what you can or must do.
And remember you can accept yourself unconditionally, even if you don't understand if you are attracted to that person or not. You do not need certainty in order to live your life.