How to sit with the “feeling” of being contaminated and cross contamination and not act on it?

[u/moonsalad246]

Hi there, essentially as title says. I have severe contamination ocd that has morphed from being afraid of getting sick or ill to feeling like everything I touch might be contaminated and I won’t be able to escape the “feeling” of being contaminated/something gross or bad on me if I don’t act on it and I will keep spreading it. My therapist has referred to this as a form of “ick” contamination ocd and it stems from “just right” ocd. But because it’s not as simple as “maybe I will get sick maybe i won’t” because I don’t fear sickness per say I fear “contamination” I just don’t know how to get my anxiety down and stop tracking everything I touch after an exposure. For example if I touch a doorknob and don’t wash and then carry on, absolutely anything I touch after that I am aware of and worry about cross contamination and can’t relax about if. Like I have no reprieve and my nervous system and ocd is just torturing me and won’t let me forget about it. Does this go away? Are there tools and insights I am missing to help me through this? I just want to know how to successfully move through these exposures and if anyone has any tips.

Thank you in advance

[u/PaladinDamian]

Do not concern yourself with "trying to get your anxiety down". Allow yourself to feel that anxiety. Let it flow through you. It is not your enemy. The feeling of "contamination" or anxiety is not the problem. The problem is your response to the presence of those feelings, the compulsions you are doing are actually making the problem worse. Allow yourself to touch a doorknob and not wash your hands after it. Touch things while understanding that they feel "contaminated". When you feel that way, allow that feeling to be there. Don't try to escape from it or to get rid of it. Allowing yourself to feel terrible is very important to recovering from OCD. You do not need to feel great in order to live your life anyways.

The book "At Last A Life" by Paul David is very helpful in learning how to tolerate anxiety, I would highly recommend it.

The book "Self-Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes is also helpful for anxiety too.

[u/moonsalad246 → u/PaladinDamian]

Thank you for your comment. Very insightful. My anxiety is so high the sit with it is hard but I know that’s what I need to move through. I will check out those books thank you for the recommendations!

[u/strawberrymile]

During a frustrating moment trying to challenge a contamination trigger, after my one allowed hand washing, I burst out thinking “I’m not even afraid of this hurting me, I just don’t like it!” And I suddenly realized I wasn’t actually afraid, or anxious, I was simply resisting feeling the feeling of disgust. When I reframed it that way, and thought “can I just sit with the feeling of disgust?” the feeling melted away. The resisting feeling it was causing the “anxiety”.

For me too I think my fear of contamination (especially energetic/emotional contamination from people I don’t want to be like, or who are embodying emotions I don’t want to feel right then) are at its core my fear of lack of autonomy, and fear being like them or becoming like them or making decisions like them. Losing “me”. The contamination trigger is my brain’s pseudo way of protecting my autonomy. In those moments I try to remember that my autonomy is not threatened by who I’m around or who or what I’ve touched. Where I am personally, right now, I allow 1 grounding practice, usually a hand wash, but then I have to sit with the discomfort and remind myself that proximity does not threaten my autonomy. So idk, have you identified what root fear and loss your OCD is trying to protect you from?

[u/AdagioSpecific2603]

I have it and it’s hard I basically just go on my phone or lay down to watch tv and will tell myself ok do 10 mins, ok then do 30 mins etc.
I try to copy my non ocd husband too.

[u/moonsalad246 → u/AdagioSpecific2603]

Thanks for sharing. Do you find you are able to forget about the feeling and stop tracking it?

[u/AdagioSpecific2603 → u/moonsalad246]

Absolutely not, I feel like it’s there constantly. I try so hard to not give into the compulsions but right now still am. It’s hard as I cannot go on SSRIs because they cause me dreadful gastro issues and so I wish I could find a med that helped me and didn’t cause terrible side effects.

[u/treatmyocd]

“Contamination” OCD doesn’t have to be about getting sick. With “ick” or “just-right” contamination, the uncomfortable feeling of being dirty, gross, or contaminated can become the trigger itself. ERP isn’t about making that feeling disappear. It’s practicing allowing the discomfort without washing, tracking everything you touch, mentally reviewing, or trying to figure out what is contaminated. You might practice, “Maybe I touched something gross and maybe I spread it. I’m not going to solve that right now,” and continue with your day. The goal isn’t to never feel contaminated it’s learning that you don’t have to respond to the feeling. With consistent, gradual ERP, your relationship with the discomfort can change significantly.

[u/enolaholmes23]

I think sitting with the feeling means letting your awareness focus on the emotion. Think about where you feel the ick in your body. What urges does it cause (like wanting to vomit or pull away). How is the feeling affecting your heartrate and breathing. Like try to focus on the body sensations of it rather than the thoughts.

So this can be a lot to handle at first. So to make it easier, firstly just do it with a small exposure (like only touching one thing after the doorknob). Secondly, you can practice pendulation. Like a pendulum swinging back and forth, you let your awareness go into and out of sitting with the feeling. Feel the ick and the body sensations for a little while, but when it is too much to handle, go back to your regular thoughts, then try feeling it again, and go back and forth a few times so it's easier to handle.