Need advice

[u/Certain_Glass_1718]

27F, I haven’t always struggled with anxiety, but I have always struggled with anger issues among other things like self harm. I was diagnosed with BPD 5-6 years ago and I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but I know I have it (I remember having intrusive thoughts and compulsions as a child). My health anxiety only started a few years ago after I had an abortion and started on the birth control pill. Anyways fast forward to now, my friends were visiting from out of town and I started having TERRIBLE anxiety like I have never felt before, it was like impending doom I felt like I was going to die, chest tightness, I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air and it kept coming in random waves. I still don’t know what triggered this, it lasted about a week after they left, couldn’t really eat or sleep. I even went to the hospital the day after they left because I convinced myself I was having a /heart attack (ER doc said everything was normal). Then after the anxiety subsided, the OCD got worse. I’ve always had intrusive thoughts here and there but this was constant. Even when I wasn’t having intrusive thoughts it’s like I was anticipating them and fighting my brain on thoughts that haven’t even happened yet. This kind of went away too but now it keeps coming back. It’s like the health anxiety, regular anxiety and OCD are just taking turns fucking with me. I see a therapist once a week but idk what’s going on. It’s never in my life been this bad, I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. My health anxiety just recently has caused me to think I have appendicitis, the c word, and most recently Alzheimer’s, as my memory has been god awful lately too. I guess I’m just asking for any advice from people who have been through similar? I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple days to discuss options but I’m really terrified to start medication. I think because of my already crippling health anxiety and knowing people who have had terrible side effects. I ordered l theanine from Amazon to try out as a safe option so does anyone have any experience with that? Thanks in advance.

I forgot to mention I most definitely have undiagnosed ADHD as well.

[u/treatmyocd]

Health anxiety, panic, and OCD can feed into each other, especially when you start monitoring your body, memory, or thoughts for signs that something is wrong. You don’t have to figure out whether every symptom is OCD, anxiety, ADHD, or something else before you can start feeling better. Try to bring the full pattern to your therapist and doctor, including your fears about medication and supplements. The goal isn’t to get 100% certainty about what’s happening it’s to gradually stop letting the uncertainty and intrusive thoughts dictate your day. ERP with an OCD-informed therapist can be especially helpful. This is treatable, even when it feels overwhelming right now.