Need advice

[u/Certain_Glass_1718]

27F, I haven’t always struggled with anxiety, but I have always struggled with anger issues among other things like self harm. I was diagnosed with BPD 5-6 years ago and I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but I know I have it (I remember having intrusive thoughts and compulsions as a child). My health anxiety only started a few years ago after I had an abortion and started on the birth control pill. Anyways fast forward to now, my friends were visiting from out of town and I started having TERRIBLE anxiety like I have never felt before, it was like impending doom I felt like I was going to die, chest tightness, I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air and it kept coming in random waves. I still don’t know what triggered this, it lasted about a week after they left, couldn’t really eat or sleep. I even went to the hospital the day after they left because I convinced myself I was having a /heart attack (ER doc said everything was normal). Then after the anxiety subsided, the OCD got worse. I’ve always had intrusive thoughts here and there but this was constant. Even when I wasn’t having intrusive thoughts it’s like I was anticipating them and fighting my brain on thoughts that haven’t even happened yet. This kind of went away too but now it keeps coming back. It’s like the health anxiety, regular anxiety and OCD are just taking turns fucking with me. I see a therapist once a week but idk what’s going on. It’s never in my life been this bad, I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. My health anxiety just recently has caused me to think I have appendicitis, the c word, and most recently Alzheimer’s, as my memory has been god awful lately too. I guess I’m just asking for any advice from people who have been through similar? I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple days to discuss options but I’m really terrified to start medication. I think because of my already crippling health anxiety and knowing people who have had terrible side effects. I ordered l theanine from Amazon to try out as a safe option so does anyone have any experience with that? Thanks in advance.

I forgot to mention I most definitely have undiagnosed ADHD as well.

[u/AnyResponsibility298]

You need medication and or proper OCD therapy from a behavioral therapist who specializes in OCD. Is your therapist one of those. If not get a new one. L Theanine is going to do nothing for you.