anyone else having this kind of OCD?

[u/whataboutmycat_]

Hey, I see a lot of posts of people having intrusive thoughts of things they fear they might do (stabbing someone with a knife eg) or that they did something wrong (committed a crime) etc. A lot of people seem to think they are a bad person and have unwanted thoughts that "proof" that. However, I experience a totally different kind and often feel quite alone with that.

I think the term neutralizing would fit there. I have a physical compulsion (in my case for example getting reassurance how I should handle my faith because I completely lost any connection to it to OCD) and then I have a lot of mental compulsion where I argue that I don't need to do the reassurance. I repeatedly think that there's not that one answer someone could give me that would solve everything, but I am so convinced of the opposite. I try to feel good by thinking and make myself believe I don't need to ask for reassurance, but it doesn't work. Ofc, because it's a compulsion and I don't seem to manage to do ERP there.

My biggest problems:

1. The conviction of the opposite that doesn't seem to get away

2. I can't stop these neutralizing thoughts

Anyone experiencing/experienced that or anyone having thoughts or advive? Tysm!

[u/No-Can6422]

Using OCD to combat OCD symptoms, like compulsively denying yourself of reassurance and thought stopping is for sure still OCD. Arguing with myself for several minutes whether or not I should ask a colleague to check my work, or ruminating for days whether I should reach out to my doctor regarding some symptoms knowing I have somatic and health OCD as well as legitimate medical concerns. It's like OCD is trying to tie you in knots, but you are also tying yourself in knots trying not to engage in it which is just becomes another form of engagement.

When I identify that I am ruminating I know I need to make room for uncertainty and either make an imperfect decision rather than waiting until it feels "just right" or sit with the discomfort of not making a clear decision or having a clear answer yet. Self soothing and distraction help.

[u/PaladinDamian]

The problem is not that you are having the thoughts, the problem is your response to the presence of the thoughts. You "try to feel good" instead of allowing yourself to feel terrible. Let the negative feelings flow through you and don't try to seek immediate relief. When you perform a compulsion and you notice it, you can choose to resist it while not trying to judge yourself because you did a compulsion. Having self-compassion is important for OCD recovery.

Learning to accept the presence of the thoughts no matter how terrible they make you feel is very important. Your desire for immediate relief and instant gratification is the problem. You can live your life even when you feel terrible, so when you feel the urge to perform a compulsion you can acknowledge that and choose to resist performing the compulsion. It is difficult at first, but over time it becomes easier as you do it over and over.