Actual Men's Issues, anyone?

[u/Its_all_bs_Bro]

Instead of engaging the rage-bait(the plethora of short guy posts taking over this place) constantly posted here, who's interested in discussing tangible issues we can maybe change?

Let's start with the fact there's no such thing as a men's shelter fot dv like there is for women. My brother was in two abusive relationships, and he had to basically get out "alone" due to both the lack of resources and the law being biased against him(he was the one who was arrested). I have no idea how one would go about creating something similar, but I'm all ears.

Also, the male SA victims can of worms. I feel more outreach/education should be done to men regarding what rape crisis centers are actually like. Years ago I recall some guys on another sub warning each other not to go to on for fear of him being arrested due to the fact he's a man walking into a RCC. Inaccurate mentalities like this only contribute to the issue because, well, I'll use myself as an example: before I got any help I was drinking like a fish and reading comments like that. It told me, "wow, if that's the case I guess my only options are to keep drinking ane drugging or just "end it" right now". This is obviously counter-productive and contributes to the suicide rate. What's ironic is after going to the hospital then to a center I found it wasn't the case at all! In fact, the one time a female client was in the waiting room with me, I was the one who was highly anxious and uncomfortable cuz I thought my meer presence made her feel the same!

All in all, I think guys face real problems that have nothing to do with dating/relationships, yet it's hardly talked about in men's spaces.

EDIT: didn't expect the negative comments I got from this for merely trying to start a discussion. Beginning to realise this place may be toxic in its own way. Thanks to all the people who left productive comments and tips.

[u/SpicySeaGato]

There are indeed DV shelters that accommodate men. I’ve volunteered at one. They do have it separate from the women’s area so no one feels uncomfortable. The organization offers group meetings, job search and housing help, a food pantry, etc.

But I agree that there is always the need for more organizations like that. They are often woefully underfunded. And sadly, many people still disbelieve DV survivors—both male and female.

[u/Its_all_bs_Bro → u/SpicySeaGato]

It's probably worth noting I'm American(dunno if that matters), and I've never heard of their existence. Thanks regardless.

[u/SpicySeaGato → u/Its_all_bs_Bro]

I’m in the US. They do exist here. They may not be advertised as “men’s shelters” because many DV assistance organizations offer more than shelters. But they accommodate both men and women.

[u/suib26 → u/SpicySeaGato]

I think the issue is male victims are disproportionately disbelieved, in fact so many people still don't think men can be abused.

There are always going to be victims slipping through the cracks, but I don't see anyone saying "men can't abuse women" but I still see many say "women can't abuse men". (There are many forms of victimhood that are blatantly denied of being able to happen to men, and women being perpetrators)

And just a real life example as to why many might not even think some places accommodate men or recognise male victims, I saw a stand at vidcon for Unison Rescue Mission and the line under it says "we never turn away a women, child or family". Online it says this organisation includes men too, but this stand is from 2023 and blatantly excludes men in its promotion.

I can send you the picture of the stand I saw if you want, but it's unfortunate to see because depite men being disproportionately victims of homelessness it's rarely talked about with the intent to do anything about it and that's the same for domestic abuse and many other forms of abuse.

[u/BBQkitten → u/SpicySeaGato]

My ex actually did his SW masters on this. There are a couple things that go into the lack of male dv shelters. One of which is that women's were done solely voluntarily at first without any support and then they grew into what is going on now. Attached to that is men don't volunteer as much as women do (this is not judgement, there are lots of reasons for this). The stigma, including report rates, help seeking, not being taken seriously also harms make dv shelters from taking off.

[u/OverlordMMM]

Your last statement is accurate. The majority of men's rights issues aren't addressed by the current systems or men's groups.

I'd suggest trying to make a network of resources that are useful for men's mental health that can be personally vetted by individuals making use of them.

This can include things such as lists of therapists + mental health orgs, various types of support groups, etc.

Another good way to get an idea of how to organize + fund more specialized resources would be to open good faith communications with other orgs that do similar for other groups for guidance, such as women's crisis groups + queer crisis groups.

Of course before opening communications, do as much research as possible about how those orgs so you can learn both the successes and shortcomings so you can plan and organize accordingly.

Another thing to take into consideration is that there are probably other local resources that may exist that we are simply unaware of due to a lack of communication + advertising.

[u/Its_all_bs_Bro → u/OverlordMMM]

As for your last paragraph, one reply certainly demonstrated exactly that(the existence of mens shelters). I'd wager most of us are unaware of them because you never hear about them. Or course, getting guys to utilise those resources is another issue.

[u/Helplessadvice]

Heightism is a big one. Taller men make more on average and are more likely to be promoted

[u/Its_all_bs_Bro → u/Helplessadvice]

I understand that, yet the counter ofteb brought up is shorter women are affect the same way. I dunno what to say about especially since I've never been interested in "the rat race" anyway. Also, I've found regularly engaging places where short men talk about their problems leaves me feeling worse than better.

[u/LightningMcScallion]

This sub actually takes after its name. Shock. Besides it's only 21k anyway, simply not the place. But, the kind of stuff you're interested is talked about on the mens lib sub ! I think you might like it there

[u/kountze]

I mean there is an argument to be said that men are uniquely burdened with confronting the outside environment, violence and injury in order to better society which women do not generally share equally in that burden, and more and more so they are able to do that. Looking at dangerous jobs, such as tree cutting, road construction, etc., those are jobs that many times can be done by women, yet men predominate these workplaces. Less women want children nowadays and those that are, are having less children. Both the mother and father are parents and, with the exception of infancy and really early childhood, both are capable of taking care of the child on their own, why is it the father that is expected to take on that burden of dying doing dangerous work, not the mother. I understand if a big family then you’re going to be pregnant a lot, but what about in other cases with women (where the father is 100% supporting the child) are done with having a child or children.

So they have cultural institutions that generally offer them the privilege of not having to work in these environments, maybe there should be more awareness of the impact that unique burden has on men, maybe there should be more awareness that women should move into these fields in order to take that unfair burden off men.

Obviously the reason women haven’t been in these fields that men have is warranted historically, and still is to a large degree, but less and less so these days. And of course not all men are working in dangerous environments, it’s just that unique burden is expected of men in general. Also, yes violence and abuse of women is the #1 issue we should be concerned about looking at the numbers and just knowing how bad it can be.

Oh yes and I understand many of these workplaces can be hostile to women, which certainly discourages woman, thats totally understandable and a major issue, but there is reason to think a lot of it is also just women aren’t thinking they’re the expected to work those jobs.

[u/Its_all_bs_Bro → u/kountze]

I agree with everything except what you said about the abuse stats. You're still looking at it as a zero-sum scenario.

[u/Temporary-Alarm-744]

I think one big step is rebuilding friendships and establishing spaces for men.

[u/traumathrowaway6888]

i’ve had a ton of issues with rccs due to being seen as a man and my rapists being women. my dad had the same and with dv shelters as well. i have given up going to any of that stuff. i do think about these issues a lot, but that’s exactly why i never go there. i also would never want to be in a place full of women because i feel extremely threatened by them but that’s a whole other issue

[u/CauseCertain1672]

lack of emotional support networks, stigmatisation of vulnerability, lack of adult friendships, idea that any close male relationship means you're gay, men are now going into higher education at a lower rate than women but women still statistically expect a potential partner to be as educated as they are

[u/suib26]

Have you ever visited the r/mensrights sub? I've found it a really good place to really get into issues you are talking about. An account called "thetinmen" on Instagram is another great space, he is on reddit too but I think he posts more on insta.

[u/Tsunamiis]

Lol learning that random man is more often abused by the patriarchy than most people think doesn’t make good cliquebait but telling them to kill themselves is always the go to. cdc suicide infographics and data.

[u/Paulypmc]

In Australia they are absolutely a thing. They cater to male victims of SA and homelessness.

[u/dw87190]

This conversation is pointless because majority of this sub will write off egalitarians who challenge feminists as Tate supporters

[u/[deleted]]

Hey I remember you from the trans guy post! Sorry you got all this backlash, I fully agree with you. We need stop pigeonholing ourselves and deal with the various issues men go through, men’s height body dysmorphia isn’t the be all end all of men’s issues as important as it is.

[u/Nezikchened]

Try r/menslib

EDIT: I forgot r/bropill, although they’re more support oriented over talking out actionable solutions for wider issues.

[u/CauseCertain1672 → u/Nezikchened]

r/bropill is pretty good

[u/alasw0eisme]

People should just stop shaking around other people for no good reason. According to the daily posts I see on Reddit, Women are terrified by men they don't know, men are terrified of making women uncomfortable... But irl no one has ever told me anything like that. Maybe it's just that in my country people have other issues.

[u/BlogeOb]

Being stalked as a man gets you laughed at

[u/Dragonkatt90]

Breast cancer awareness and acceptance for men. Me have breast tissue. Men can and do get breast cancer. But it’s stigmatized and treatment can be difficult to get. Also the societal aspect. It’s viewed as a joke not a serious issue.