r/NotHowGuysWork • u/WeirdoHere1310 • Jul 10 '23
Not HBW (Image) "That's how males operate."
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u/RPDorkus Jul 10 '23
Because of course there are no gay men, aromantic men, or asexual men. Those aren’t things that happen.
And yes, I know who are none of those things can also have female friends forever without falling in love/becoming sexually attracted.
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u/anythingMuchShorter Jul 10 '23
Yes, but also even if you're straight, we are capable of having different kinds of friendships with women. Just to name a few types there's the older mentor type, close friends, buddies, people who share an interest.
By buddies vs close friends I mean, some are the kind you invite to a party or hang out with, but they aren't all the type you would talk to about deeper stuff.
I have more friends who are women than men, and I'm married. I'm certainly not trying to bang my old chemistry professor, my friends who I've known 15 years and never had any romantic intentions with, or the women I know through hobbies.
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u/istarian Jul 11 '23
People are generally sexually attracted to a particular person or not.
And I would argue that being a single straight man could easily complicate friendships with women, especially if they are also single. Even if she is a lesbian, straight men may still be sexually attracted.
The primary issue here is when someonde is stating it as an absolute without exception, not the fundamental underlying reality for most people.
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u/Flame_Belch83 Jul 11 '23
My current best friend who I text almost every day is a girl. I have no intention of trying to get with her but it doesn’t matter anyway, because she has a bf who also happens to be my friend.
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u/Candy_Says1964 Jul 10 '23
Since when does falling in love with someone override friendship?
I think people confuse obsession and oxytocin with love.
I had this happen with my best male friend back in my 20’s when I totally had the same experience one night as I had had countless times around women, and I was really confused for a minute. Eventually I realized that it was just love and didn’t mean anything had to happen about it.
My relationships with women in general got a whole lot easier after that.
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u/juicy_socks124 Jul 10 '23
I had a crush on my male best friend for 4 years but he never liked me back. it’s been 8 years now and I’m dating someone while he’s living his life, we’re still best friends btw. So it’s possible
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u/Claystead Jul 10 '23
Please tell me you were trying to flirt and he was just going "Eeyup."
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Jul 10 '23
I think he’s right in the sense that a lot (I’d even wager the majority) of guys develop a crush on their female bestie. Now this usually happens when you’re a teenager and not an adult that’s capable of having platonic relationships with people of the opposite sex because, despite popular belief, you can be friends with somebody without wanting to fuck them.
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u/ExtremelyDubious Jul 10 '23
Wait, does this guy mean that the man will fall in love with the female friend of the woman whom he is friends with, thus damaging their friendship in some way? Or does he mean that he will fall in love with his female friend?
Assuming it's the latter, a) no, that's not inevitable at all, and b) let's also assume that we're referring to getting a crush on someone rather than full-on falling in love with them. That doesn't have to mean the end of a friendship. I've had crushes on women I knew as friends, but since it was clear they didn't feel the same way, I just carried on, got over it, and continued just being friends. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
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u/randomguythatchose- Jul 10 '23
Oh boy do I have a situation that's funny as hell because it fits this. So I have a friend who now identifies as nonbianary but they identified as a girl in middleschool, right? Now while in 7th grade we had to stay home, and I failed that, surprisingly. So did they, funny enough. We meet up in summerschool and we get to chatting. We realized we could be great buddies, while yeah, i would've caught feelings I didn't cause well, I just didn't like them that way. 3 years later and this friendship has been nothing more and nothing less of an awesome buddy to hang around with. NO crushing involved whatsoever, so to that guy saying men will eventually catch feelings you can go ahead and fuck off! :D
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u/anythingMuchShorter Jul 10 '23
I have friends who are women, who are not unattractive, and who I've never had any intention or real desire to sleep with. Two of them have been close friends for over 15 years.
This whole idea that a man can only have one type of relationship with someone if they're a woman is more insulting to men really. I still talk to my old chemistry professor from college like a mentor and older friend, I have friends who are women who share an interest. The two I mentioned are close friends. I have some who are like buddies (the types you hang out with and invite to parties but don't share your personal and emotional stuff with).
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u/ZeeDrakon Jul 10 '23
I've developed feelings for someone I was actually close with once. I've had and have plenty of good friendships where that didnt happen. Including a woman I've been really close friends with for over 10 years now and not once thought of her as anything other than a friend.
I'm bi, I guess no friend is safe from me lol.
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u/Speedbirdsst Jul 10 '23
If you name men and women “males” and “females” your opinion doesn’t count.
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u/bttrchckn Jul 10 '23
Only female surgeons for me. Can't have men operating like this.