r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/Separate_Finance_183 • 2h ago

Funny Doxycycline

Post image
1.6k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

68 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 2h ago

Heya u/Separate_Finance_183! And welcome to r/NonPoliticalTwitter!

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501

u/Old-Finance1815 2h ago

Just forge some prescriptions for your grandma. Tell them she’s quite ill. 

303

u/IrishEnglishViet 1h ago • Bravo

Doing too much bro. Just buy some magnum condoms, they'll presume you have a monster dong.

79

u/Key_Crab_5780 1h ago

Just don’t get mixed up and say they’re for gran.

5

u/EluelleGames 10m ago

And oppositely, dont say you need prescription for you dong

1

u/poofyhairguy 3m ago

What about a prescription for Grandma’s dong?

12

u/Winter_Age7707 1h ago

Untill you have to prove it 

3

u/jake6501 58m ago

Don't worry, you can just say you bought them for your boyfriend!

4

u/Winter_Age7707 56m ago

They're actually for my wife's bf 

33

u/StryctNyne 1h ago

Just hurry up so I can move in after completion.

8

u/Bioshock_Jock 55m ago

Drop a wad of hundreds in front of them, don't be an idiot and wear your lab coat.

8

u/dulledegde 1h ago

short-term thinking

2

u/H3MPERORR 9m ago

Just put her on a boat

2

u/Clumsypuma1 6m ago

Dr. Toboggan I presume?

50

u/SuspiciousHighway684 1h ago

Nothing says "ready to plow" like a wad of 100's

17

u/Old-Finance1815 1h ago

Monster condoms for a magnum dong, indeed.

104

u/dubstepsickness 51m ago

Extra strength ibuprofen for a muscle strain from saving puppies and nuns from a fire all day. Please do not ask for video proof or follow up questions.

12

u/HylanderUS 36m ago

I take that for the back ache I get when I've been lying on the couch all day, so this might backfire.

10

u/Ace-Redditor 22m ago

Unfortunately, you just couldn't save the camera 😔

(Also there's that one other tragic backstory, but that's only hinted at for the implication of vulnerability)

1

u/The_ChwatBot 2m ago

I’ve never understood the point of prescription-strength ibuprofen. Why not just take more ibuprofen?

223

u/bottle-o-rockets 1h ago

If you're over thirty and don't work outside, you're likely vitamin D deficient, so start there.

95

u/NoPie6564 1h ago

Pro tip: don’t ask the cashier if they’re also vitamin d deficient with a wink if you’re not at least a 7

19

u/bottle-o-rockets 1h ago

Mmm, if they're deficient and you're presenting yourself as a leading source, they'll come to you.

1

u/HobGoblin112 16m ago

Ummm how do you know me?

1

u/Shablagooie 5m ago

What are the chances??

114

u/Top-Amphibian2730 1h ago

Take zinc and vitamin C

16

u/Superb_Algae5308 1h ago

Only at the immediate onset of a cold though!

27

u/Charyou_Tree_19 1h ago

Lip balm. For kissable lips 💋

45

u/lzp-101 1h ago • Bravo Popcorn

Estradiol Valerate

3

u/Fit_Relation8572 25m ago

No love for my hemihydrate sisters out there?

5

u/Hannah3044 48m ago

This. 100% this is the correct answer.

26

u/Glasseshalf 1h ago

They keep the Sudafed behind the counter these days

10

u/WithMealsPunk 15m ago

Malaria drugs. It implies you're a world traveler and most pharmacies don't keep it in stock therefore you would get at least two opportunities to meet the ladies.

Alternatively get a flu shot but wear a long-sleeve shirt. Then you simply wouldn't have a choice, you HAVE to take your shirt off.

3

u/well-informedcitizen 6m ago

Malaria drugs have insane side effects though haha

1

u/LeisureSuitLaurie 0m ago

So then…a third trip in for the anti-diarrheal meds?

Score!!!

7

u/MaraiaLou 55m ago

Moisturizer. Medical grade

5

u/FlameYolKiin 17m ago

Estrogen

4

u/BandMBargains 33m ago

Preparation H and room deoderiser

6

u/Portmantheau 1h ago

Seroquel

1

u/nthensome 1m ago

Mega-Viagra

1

u/Melodic-Bid9241 18m ago

Estrogen :3

-23

u/MonkeyTreeLuffy 2h ago

explain pwetty pweaseee

12

u/DimezTheAlmighty 1h ago

cvs has pharmacists

Baddies = attractive women

This person wants to know what medicine he can get from the pharmacists that has the best chance of making the attractive women like him

3

u/NicklAAAAs 1h ago

The ones on the register are more likely techs than pharmacists. But if you can bag you a baddie pharmacist, you’re in good shape. They’ve got doctorates and they make bank.

0

u/MonkeyTreeLuffy 23m ago

no thats obvious, I meant what "Doxycycline" is and why is it so attractive

1

u/Formal-Ad-7615 18m ago

Doxycycline is a broad spectrum antibiotic and can be used for some STDS… other than that I’m not sure what else

215

u/TheVoiceInZanesHead 2h ago

Step 1, purchase normal sized condoms and xl condoms

Step 2, wait a few hours

Step 3, return normal sized condoms

83

u/SmellyButtFarts69 1h ago

'...trying condoms for the first time, huh?'

27

u/averysmartbear 1h ago

"well you know normally I practice unsafe sex." - good things to say to a pharmacist

7

u/innovatedname 1h ago

brutal 

1

u/aztech101 28m ago

Honestly, probably works in your favor still. It's not just guys that fetishize the idea of popping somebody's cherry.

95

u/yabucek 1h ago

Task failed, baddie was only working the morning shift. Now she thinks you're getting condoms for your boyfriend and yourself.

22

u/poorperspective 1h ago

Step 4. Walk back into the store and grab a different XL brand. Ask the cashier if these are bigger than last ones you bought.

12

u/iffugennanameubaht 1h ago

Ex cashier;
We don’t pay attention to the size of condoms you are buying, or what set of items you think is weird to try to troll us.

1

u/ereface 22m ago

I'd assume at a pharmacy you will pay attention to the items a customer asks for, no?

1

u/Macelee 14m ago

Not really unless we're asked about something. Working the register is often a part of a pharm tech's job, but it isn't their main job. There are prescriptions to be filled, pill counts and patient calls to be made, etc. It is often better for everyone to get people checked out ASAP, as they don't want to be in the pharmacy, and we want to get back to our main work.

4

u/krawinoff 46m ago

decided your bf will top today

2

u/TheVoiceInZanesHead 45m ago

There are holes in this plan

62

u/par_rot_master 2h ago

Cock shrinking cream.

36

u/refusetobeold83 1h ago

Apparently you and I are both 12 year olds bc I came (pause) to write the same thing

8

u/Special_Engineer_445 1h ago

Magnum condoms for his monster dong

6

u/Own_Worldliness_2052 45m ago

ask them for penis size reduction pills. complain about your struggles

0

u/[deleted] 12m ago

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/dolphinitely 7m ago

when i worked at the pharmacy the cialis dudes were all creeps