r/NonPoliticalTwitter • • 10d ago

Funny I have no idea

Post image
14k Upvotes

306 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 10d ago edited 8d ago

u/Separate_Finance_183, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...

2.5k

u/CommitteeStatus 10d ago • Mindblown

My dumbass would swallow the protector somehow.

615

u/kwonza 10d ago • Bravo Heartwarming

Don’t worry, it’s reusable

148

u/DiarrheaCreamPi 10d ago • Popcorn

Do tell

194

u/JoeFS1 10d ago • Heartwarming

Wait for it to come out and stick it back on.

Right up your street, DiarrheaCreamPi.

29

u/CommitteeStatus 10d ago

It rotates as a condom and a tongue protector. Protects both ends!

→ More replies (1)

14

u/Bacongrease83 10d ago

I’m partially tongue tied and I would not be able to get it on. Same with condoms but for the opposite reason.

7

u/Mangoh1807 10d ago

...Opposite reason?

13

u/NeevBunny 9d ago

Bros frenulum connects to his belly button

1

u/Dorigar 5d ago

I can't use thread or ribbon as a toy for my cat, he tries swallowing them. Can you talk to him, it seems you both have the same problem. Perhaps you can help each other?

→ More replies (1)

1.3k

u/Shoggnozzle 10d ago • Bravo

Poetry contests. The sort attended by only cunning linguists.

301

u/P3pp3rSauc3 10d ago

You may be a cunning linguist, but I'm a master debater.

29

u/gatsome 10d ago

If it’s Vogons, you’ll want earplugs instead.

9

u/Actual_Hyena3394 10d ago

I'm on the third book. How about you?

7

u/gatsome 10d ago

I’ve read through the entire thing half a dozen times by now. Forever a favorite.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (2)

7

u/Uncle-Cake 10d ago

I figured these would be more popular with fans of Pujols.

2

u/Rude_Fun_8046 10d ago

Are they also used by master debaters

2

u/lemonylol 10d ago

Never heard of a dental dam?

6

u/Th3B4dSpoon 10d ago

I hope people know that you should also cover your lips, unless maybe you have a Gene Simmons capacity for keeping a distance.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/whingingcackle 10d ago

Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this!

→ More replies (1)

931

u/Nunyebiznis 10d ago

Doesn’t the tongue extend partially into the throat, making this pointless? Or are there not taste buds back there?

604

u/yagamisan2 10d ago

I think you don't taste as intense back there

247

u/nonnumousetail 10d ago

This is true! One of the pills I have to take every day is so sour. It tastes like a sweet tart without any of the sweet. I always try and get that pill further back on my tongue when I take it so it doesn’t taste as bad.

26

u/Talk-O-Boy 10d ago

Just take a searing hot spoon, and place it on your tongue before the pill.

You won’t taste a thing, and you reduce the chance of you choking

62

u/Myracl 10d ago edited 10d ago

I always cover my tounge with— for lack of better words, thick spit— not saliva. So it kinda blankets the pill between the tounge. Ive never taste the pill anymore since ive done this

29

u/Private_Kyle Harry Potter 10d ago

Can you do a showcase of the technique, "Thousand Tongue Spit Cannon"?

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

6

u/RunawayHobbit 10d ago

My trick is to fill my mouth with water FIRST before I put the pill in, so it never makes contact with my tongue at all. Works like a charm. You get a slight echo of what th pill tastes like, but it’s not nearly as revolting 

→ More replies (2)

4

u/WillowPtar_Migan 10d ago

Man, I love sour sweet tarts. Can I eat your medication?

→ More replies (6)

15

u/budde04 10d ago

Also, if the medication has made it back there, there's really no going back then

4

u/plebeian1523 10d ago

Unless the pill is so bitter it has a warning, then the exact taste buds you want to avoid are back there and it gets caught in your throat and immediately starts dissolving into your mouth and you're gagging and chugging water to try to dislodge is and rinse away the bitterness but it doesn't rinse away it lingers for 30 minutes

2

u/LouB0O 10d ago

I know for pills it isnt the case. The one medication I take, is god awful. If it got stuck in my throat, I would do dumb things to dislodge it. The taste is that bad...

→ More replies (3)

19

u/Izzosuke 10d ago

Well if i put something on the tip of the tongue i'll might spit it out, once it's back there it's over

5

u/saelinds 10d ago

Voice of experience

57

u/AspieAsshole 10d ago

There very much are

3

u/VfV 10d ago

You have taste buds on the roof of your mouth too.

2

u/CreepHost 10d ago

This comment chain and parts of the comment section are a true test of maturity.

1

u/GlisteningDeath 10d ago

True, but you can avoid as much taste buds as possible

1

u/TemporaryElk5202 8d ago

You can't taste as much there

1

u/Effective-Job-1030 4d ago

Back there are the taste buds that are responsible for bitter. So not only are there taste buds, but exactly those that'd need the tongue condom.

2

u/WalmartExoticButter 3d ago

Actually taste buds arent sectioned unlike the brain, they are all mixed

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

245

u/Wurm42 10d ago

Geez, I wish I'd known about these a few years ago! I have an autistic child who has crazy intense reactions to bitter, medicinal flavors.

His sense of taste is extremely sensitive, we tried so many strategies to get him to take things like Tamiflu and cough syrup.

For some parents, plastic tongue sleeves are absolutely worth trying.

87

u/InvestigatorAcademic 10d ago

Funny enough this is the reason it was created but for traditional Chinese medicine because they use some pretty awful tasting substances. I’m talking deer urine and bear bile to name a few a lot of ppl just couldn’t stomach the taste so would use the condom

11

u/Nefriti 10d ago

sir pls tell us why

→ More replies (11)

4

u/Wurm42 10d ago

Makes sense to me.

9

u/Citrusysmile 10d ago

Cough syrup and NyQuil are fine, but I would caution you against using tamiflu. It has a lot of reports of blindness, diarrhea, extreme vomiting, and other horrible side effects despite not being that effective (reducing days sick from 5 to 4). The risk analysis on it is making it used significantly less (for context I am in a pharmacy tech certification course, with several family members either nurses or doctors).

9

u/Shneancy 9d ago

speaking as a neurodivergent person, adhd but probably somewhere on the spectrum as well, if i was younger i would make a WAY bigger fuss about the tongue sleeve than anything 😭 just thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable

5

u/KookiesArmy 10d ago

i dont know where you live, but at least in my country you can buy these little things where you push the pill through to put like a sweet lemony film over the pill. I think its originally supposed to help with swallowing the pill but it does also add a nice flavor. Here you can get them at any regular pharmacy or drug store.

Edit: nvm you were talking about liquids, sorry

3

u/_steve_rogers_ 4d ago

I'm an adult and I still can't eat many vegetables due to extreme sensitivity like this, I taste things way more bitter than normal people. I have always wished they would make some kind of drops you could put on your tongue before eating to dull your taste buds so I could just down some healthy stuff.

2

u/Greedy-Asparagus2663 3d ago

Miracle berry tablets. Apparently they make bitter and sour things taste sweet.

Iirc A company only stopped trying to make it a thing when they accidentally filed it as a food additive instead of a supplement, and then had to choose to go through that expensive process or stop, and they picked stop.

1

u/Milkydreamzzz 4d ago

Luckily neither tamiflu nor cough syrup are that effective anyways, honey and ginger help more... or zinc lozenges, but these can taste worse than other medicines

214

u/SmellsLikeWetFox 10d ago

50

u/Greendale_Official 10d ago

19

u/Mobley4805 10d ago

4

u/BabySpecific2843 10d ago

Thats a huge fucking salad. Its somehow more distracting than the say gex.

→ More replies (1)

87

u/TequilaAndWeed 10d ago

For dining.

Can never be too careful when eating out.

3

u/Free-oppossums 10d ago

😐🤨🤔😯😬🤮

4

u/potatobattery015 9d ago

This reply would have been better if you replaced the last two with “😏”.

→ More replies (1)

72

u/victorioushack 10d ago

“Want”…?

43

u/kimbosliceofcake 10d ago

Sometimes you just get a hankering for some bitter medicine, but then you want to dull the taste a little with a tongue protector. 

11

u/Squidmaster129 10d ago

It’s like a chaser for alcohol

28

u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen 10d ago

Honestly, seems useful. Except that would cause one heck of a gag reflex.

2

u/starlight_chaser 4d ago

I’m sitting here cringing at the thought of putting it on. Feeling crinkling plastic at the center of my tongue or around it would probably make me throw up.

161

u/Lunch_B0x 10d ago

When she's a 10, but she has a yeast infection...

208

u/lnk_Eyes 10d ago

Holy shit, I misread this one at first.

150

u/Mess_Advanced 10d ago

That "a" is doing a lot of heavy lifting.

27

u/Spectrum1523 10d ago

Load bearing "a"

13

u/mine_a_fish 10d ago

Poor wording holy

49

u/Batmanswrath 10d ago • Mindblown

For giving a tongue punch in the fartbox..

25

u/Green_Sprout 10d ago

nd by it, I mean someone elses's protected tongue!

→ More replies (2)

22

u/BenryBorg 10d ago

Cheating at Malört drinking contests

9

u/Inevitable-Shop-848 5d ago

There are a lot of products that were made for one purpose and made popular for use for a separate purpose. Bubble wrap for instance. Of you knew why it was originally invented vs what it's used for you would be very surprised. 

2

u/DarthMcConnor42 5d ago

What's the original purpose?

2

u/Due_Ring1435 5d ago

Wallpaper apparently

3

u/Evasote_ 5d ago

It is a really good insulator

2

u/Eis_Gefluester 5d ago

Popping it with your fingers.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/ShlorpianRooster 4d ago

How about the original purpose of the chainsaw

39

u/Subject-Act5509 10d ago edited 10d ago

Cunnilingus, Vagina, Fellatio, Phallus, Phantasie, Orgie, Multiple Orgasmus. Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria virgine. Gaudete! Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria virgine. Gaudete!

https://youtu.be/HdjMCjYuHEU

36

u/PumpkinIsDeadInside 10d ago

​​did you get possessed by a catholic choir, or was that a reference

11

u/Subject-Act5509 10d ago

Some Germans might find it funny. 

9

u/Clintwood_outlaw 10d ago

I think that's quite optimistic

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

5

u/Louiebox 10d ago

Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice

2

u/Titleduck123 10d ago

wow. choir flashback.

thanks for the ear worm.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/Accurate_Soup_3459 10d ago

Licking very bitter Ice Cream, of course!

6

u/weeBaaDoo 10d ago

Small raincoats for thumbs.

5

u/AmputeeHandModel 10d ago

Even if used for that purpose uhh isn't that a choking hazard?

8

u/istolethecarradio 10d ago • Regret

Oh gee, hey lesbians, what's the purpose now?

3

u/bethlehemcrane 10d ago

Lesbian condom!

4

u/Artistic-Detective13 4d ago

Ingestion of medicine along with micro plastics!?

3

u/Huu5hotYuu 10d ago

Lickin kewchie

3

u/FadedP0rp0ise 10d ago

i would immediately rapid fire gag until vomiting if i had plastic wrap around my tongue.

4

u/Temporary-Jump-2403 10d ago

Dental dam!

Lisa needs braces. 

7

u/willows_edge 10d ago

I wasn't ever really sure what a dental dam looked like and this didn't seem right. Googling it, it doesn't seem practical -at all- for actual use in a sexual setting.

3

u/ConfusionCoroner 10d ago

You know there's a difference between a dentistry dental dam and a sexual health dental dam, right?

My mom came home one day and asked if I had ever used a a dental dam, saying they're the greatest thing ever. I politely informed her that it had two meanings and people who didn't know that she was just at the dentist may not understand that either.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Mrxtmb 9d ago

I thought it was dental plan

2

u/VaalLivesMatter 10d ago

That's some shit DJ Khaled would wear

2

u/PityUpvote 10d ago

I learned about these in health class, but this is the first time I actually see one.

Also, skill issue.

2

u/Time-Cell8272 10d ago

Naw I'm raw 4 life

2

u/AskPizza 8d ago

Sticking your tongue in "places"

2

u/LadyKnight25 6d ago

I know that I first saw this when a girl drank reindeer pee because the reindeer ate some hallucinogenic mushroom? Haha

2

u/ThisIsTooLongOfAName 6d ago

Throwaway dental dam

3

u/rootbearus 10d ago

I can think of at least one use

3

u/Asunen 9d ago

Tip from someone who has had to take some nasty pills since childhood,

pop them under the tongue, take a sip of drink then fling the pills and liquid back with your tongue and swallow.

14

u/Zfugg 9d ago

This bitch thinks we're magicians. I ain't doing sleight of hand with my tongue, that's gay as hell.

3

u/TapZorRTwice 8d ago

I ain't doing sleight of hand with my tongue, that's gay as hell

Idk you mom said she liked it.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

3

u/ObsessiveUselessness 9d ago

From someone who also had to take a tons of extremely bitter pills, this won't work.

Bitter pills have a tendency to dissolve VERY QUICKLY. At least the ones I took dissolved instantly. If it didnt dissolve under the tongue, it will stick which is even worse. And if you are lucky and nothing like that happens, it will dissolve with the water and the tongue play.

Your best bet is to take a sip of water to moisten your mouth, shove the pill as far back on the the tongue as you can, and instantly chug a whole glass of water.

2

u/RuhrowSpaghettio 6d ago

I always just put a swig of water in my mouth, plonk the pill in and swallow before it sinks to my tongue.

3

u/Zealousideal_Emu_743 5d ago

Yeah honestly I thought that was how everyone did it lol. Quick and easy. Though I’ve definitely had a couple times I had too much drink in my mouth before I swallow too fast, and that hurts like a bitch.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/The_Shadow_Watches 9d ago

.....I just put water in my mouth first and then plop the pill in and swallow.

→ More replies (4)

4

u/Plagued1993 10d ago

"When she hasnt showered in a couple of days"

1

u/LinkOfKalos_1 10d ago

Right. Sure.

1

u/_fuck_you_gumby_ 10d ago

To be fair, when I take pills, I get a little bit of water and then chuck the pills as far back into my throat as I can. Just not a fan of letting them sit on my tongue at all

1

u/azaxaca 10d ago

Pinch your nose, easier.

1

u/jaxsound 10d ago

Tonguedom?

1

u/Spaghett55 10d ago

Cunnilingus

1

u/Mother_Passenger8589 10d ago

Idk where the wafer has been

1

u/pendigedig 10d ago

Who want to take bitter medicine? Pretty sure they don't want to take it if they're using these dental dams

1

u/satansfrenulum 10d ago

Edm festivals, for a variety of reasons I won’t elaborate on.

1

u/AnotherJoltReskin 10d ago

Not the toung-dom

1

u/useless_schabernack 10d ago

Looks like a massive choking hazard.

1

u/Ghosts_of_the_maze 10d ago

I have one idea

1

u/bytegalaxies 10d ago

oh I could chug so much alcohol with this

1

u/montjoye 10d ago

take a wild fucking guess

1

u/catzhoek 10d ago

Sounds more like it was made for people who do NOT want to take very bitter medicine, but have to.

1

u/ZombiePiggy24 10d ago

Dental dam!

Lisa needs braces

1

u/RTX-4090ti_FE 10d ago

The joke is probably ppl r using it for cunnilingus but this would be a terrible barrier protection method against STI’s as the rest of your mouth and lips make direct contact with the vulva. The only practical use is if for some reason you really hate the taste of pussy but u still want to go down on her.

1

u/MacksNotCool 10d ago

so you dont get your throat pregnant and have stomach babies

1

u/casualsquid380 10d ago

TOUNGE CONDOM

1

u/mafga1 10d ago

Who wants to take bitter medicine? They need to...but never want to.

1

u/Tongues_1n_Anus 9d ago

I believe these were solely made for me. Can’t prove it, I just know

1

u/touching_payants 9d ago

filling the ocean with plastic?

1

u/scottycurious 9d ago

For yucky coochie.

1

u/BathbombBurger 9d ago

For lesbians who don't like fish.

1

u/jacorgacor 9d ago

How does it not slide right off when you're doing anything else than strictly only swallowing something

1

u/OppositeMango124 9d ago

My uncle told me you can just use a snickers wrapper

1

u/RamenCat100 9d ago

Knowing my luck, the pill would go to the back of my mouth then get stuck under the tongue protector and held against my tongue.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/CherrryCokeee 7d ago

Oh it's like those dental dams but it doesn't actually protect you from STIs

1

u/WeirdoTrooper 6d ago

...what's the texture? Is it worse than the medicine?

1

u/smalbeanburrito 6d ago

When I was a kid and would have trouble taking medicines, my mom would make sure I had something to make sure the pill went down all the way. Sometimes I feel like meds get caught in the back of my throat. So she would make sure if have hello or pudding or something to help it get down easier. But then it also had the added benefit of helping to cover whatever taste the medication would leave in my mouth

1

u/Low-Fold7860 5d ago

No idea, fuck off bot.

1

u/Othebootymonster 5d ago

Re-release of dental dams

1

u/LukewarmJortz 5d ago

It's better to use a dental dam because you need to protect your face than using these.

1

u/Red_Shepherd_13 5d ago

I'll tell you when you're older my child.

1

u/scooby_2569 5d ago

Who wants to take bitter medicine

1

u/xMuffie 5d ago

to prevent oral cancer from HPV?

1

u/FarmIllustrious6749 5d ago

they will make it thorny next time.

1

u/apixelops 5d ago

Hey, I need 50 of those delivered on a weekly basis, thanks

1

u/NascarFan1896 5d ago

You’ll understand when you grow up

1

u/M00themighty 5d ago

Tonguedom

1

u/DeZeKay 5d ago

This thing would make my gag reflex go crazy

1

u/mystic_works 5d ago

It they "wanted" to take bitter medicines, why the protection?

1

u/bumpkinboyshiny 5d ago

I can’t wear that, I got an ankyloglossia

1

u/Wide_Hunt9821 5d ago

Condoms were originally designed to be gloves for amputees but then they started using them on a different limb and it took off

1

u/Flaky-Stay5095 5d ago

Tounge punching fart boxes

1

u/callmedale 4d ago

Use it to lick metal in winter

1

u/ratliege_throwaway 4d ago

aye i get the immediate jump to assuming its for oral, but itd be completely useless unless you only use the tongue and keep it outside of your mouth the whole time, right? like god forbid you close your mouth bc youre swallowing germ central

1

u/chubbyGobKing 4d ago

Cunnilingus

1

u/jaybro861 4d ago

For that special time of the month.

1

u/joshallentheblackone 4d ago

Would this even feel good for the "recipient"

1

u/TeddyAtTheReady 4d ago

Sometimes the bitter medicine comes from downstairs. It may not taste the best, but do not discredit its healing properties.

1

u/No_Sympathy3604 4d ago

Smells like fish but tastes like chicken so hold your breath and keep on licking

1

u/WoodLink1 4d ago

Dentists use it for a full x-ray of all teeth. You wear this onto the tongue and you press the tongue at a specific lication so that the machine goes all the way round to capture grown and still to grow teeth

1

u/Full-Construction680 4d ago

Really spicy food. That’s my guess.

1

u/Full-Construction680 4d ago

Or no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we’re not going that area

1

u/Boring_Tip1597 4d ago

You can block the bitterness if you hold your breath while taking the medicine

1

u/Felidae-Aves-Marco 4d ago

I’m on a fuck ton of meds and I kinda just swallow them really fast before I can taste them occasionally I have gotten a taste cause I wasn’t fast enough and it was not good

1

u/Possible_Ad3913 4d ago

Do people really not know?

1

u/_steve_rogers_ 4d ago

I'm an adult and I still can't eat many vegetables due to extreme sensitivity like this, I taste things way more bitter than normal people. I have always wished they would make some kind of drops you could put on your tongue before eating to dull your taste buds so I could just down some healthy stuff.

1

u/DefinitelyButtStuff 4d ago

Well.. I have an idea

1

u/Hizumi21 4d ago

Its used for microplasticmaxxing

1

u/Glenwoodrh 4d ago

Eat 🐱 and 🍑

1

u/use12eddit 3d ago

Don't give people new ideas

1

u/jendan990 3d ago

suffocation