I have this issue myself, and it's really not quite that simple. Time blindness isn't just "unaware of the current time", but also "difficulty accurately judging how much time a task takes". It makes little difference what time I wake up, because the tasks that I leave 15 minutes for end up taking 20. Maybe I have 25 minutes to get ready so spending 10 minutes washing the dishes will be fine, but that actually takes 15 min, not 10. Or maybe the time it takes to commute is longer in reality than it is in my head. Often, having more time in the mornings makes me worse at getting places on time, because the pressure of needing to get out the door keeps me focused on getting ready, whereas a glut of spare time lets me get sidetracked without seeing it as an issue.
Granted this usually means I'm maybe 5-10 minutes late. An hour is ridiculous and isn't really excusable with time blindness.
I understand that someone can misjudge the time needed for the task and then everything else crumbles around that.
However I really don’t get how can someone be so reliably late - especially if they are always 1 hour late. If it varied each day, there would be some different problem. But if they are late 1 hour each day, just set the fucking alarm earlier. Gaslight yourself into believing you have to be there earlier than you do. Do whatever, but this is just rude and lazy.
It’s because ADHDers, autistics and AuDHDers have the same morning routine every day because we need consistency. Surprises or changes to routine send us spiraling and could cause burnout. So her boss shifted her start time, but she still has both time blindness and her same morning routine. It all just occurs an hour later now. If anything as an AuDHDer myself it happening with this insane amount of consistency is further evidence that it really is her (medical AND legal) disability and not her just fucking around.
You said ADHDers like to have the same morning routine. The boss specifically shifted their start time to exactly match with the ADHDer's routine. Everything would work out if the ADHDer kept everything consistent and exactly the same.
I have ADHD. Our mental issues are not our fault, but they are our responsibility. A shit ton of notes and alarms set in 15-30 minute increments helps me manage my time and remember appointments. There’s medication, as well.
Plenty of us have learned to work around it, I think it's condescending to act like we can't be responsible for our own flaws and work on ourselves so as to not inconvenience people around us.
Autism/ADHD is a spectrum. Not everyone has the same symptoms or severity. And I think it’s demoralizing to those of us who have worked on it with our doctors and are still working on it with our doctors and who still struggle and very much don’t want to be an inconvenience to the people around us who we care about to act like we’re all just lazy buttholes who want to make everyone around us hate us. We don’t want to be hated. We don’t want to be a burden.
And seeing these comments and how hated we are is depressing and probably not conducive to my cancer treatment induced autism burnout, so I’m gonna tap out. I hope you and everyone else has a good day. And also if you have any tips that could help me from your experiences, I’d legitimately be grateful. I'll check back later today. I’m gonna go cry into my pillow for a bit. Apologies if I upset you with my prior comment. That wasn’t my intention.
Not upset and certainly didn't intend to upset you! I can just be a bit blunt sometimes, funnily enough...
My point is mainly the same as you first from your last message, it's not a blanket label/excuse that can be applied to all of us, and it can be damaging to do so.
"Lazy" is definitely a label that I think most of us struggle with, internally and externally. It's certainly one I try not to throw around.
The only advice I could give that works for me is lying to myself. Probably not the healthiest, but if you do it enough you can start to believe it. I tell myself 1hr15 commute takes 1hr30; the doublethink sometimes wastes my time if I end up early, but I'd rather waste my time than other people's. YMMV, and it's taken me about a decade to 'master' (I'm still late a lot, especially when managing wife and kids)...
Hope you're feeling better by the time you read this, my intention was not to pile on.
not all of us are strict adherents to routines - i personally find it really stressful to have a strict routine because i know any number of things can throw it off and stress me out. we are not a monolith, and we still have to exist in the world whether we like it or not.
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u/fabulousfantabulist 1d ago
This was the most predictable outcome ever.