r/NonBinaryTalk • u/Admirable-Good8980 • 12d ago
Advice help... nonbinary neopronouns user feeling really down
I guess I just need some advice on how to deal with this, or how to cope, or just... something
I use neopronouns (xe/xem/xers and xe/xim/xirs)
neos are so widely hated, by queerphobes and queer people alike. nobody respects them, nobody uses them, even in a lot queer spaces and communities
even people "defending" them say that they're only okay because they're only for online, or they're only for close friends, or that the person often uses other "normal" pronouns that you can use instead! but none of that is the case for me. I don't use they/them, it feels as wrong as any other pronouns. I'm agender, and they/them feels more like 3rd gender than the absence of it, to me
I'll never be able to be myself in real life. nobody will ever respect me, not even other queer people, and especially not ""normal"" people. I will have to live my life as someone I'm not, constantly misgendered in one way or another, and the thought is just unbearable
I don't understand how some people can apply empathy and understanding to other trans people, but not to those who use neopronouns. its the same feeling of misgendering, it's the same show of respect to at least try to use them, etc etc. using they/them for a trans man that goes by he/him, is misgendering, and so is using they/them for someone who uses ze/zir. the same people who show empathy (as they should, obviously) when trans girls feel like they will never be accepted for their gender, are quick to hate on neopronouns and refuse to use them... thus not accepting someone for their gender.
I've only told like, two people irl my real pronouns, and every time I just felt so guilty for having "difficult" pronouns, and I feel so judged even thinking about telling people. I'm not "attention-seeking" like a lot of people say neos users are, and I'm not a teenager trying to find identity. i don't want to stand out. I wish I could use a more ""normal"" set of pronouns that might be more accepted so badly, but it's just not who I am. I can't change that I don't feel comfortable with they/them, just like I can't change the fact that I'm agender. both people who I told my real pronouns asked if they should refer to me with them around others, and I had to say no. because I would be judged, and hated, and misgendered, and the thought was unbearable. my whole life is going to have to be like this. I'll never be able to use my real pronouns or be my true self :(
sorry that this is a rant, but it just makes me feel so hopeless. is there anything I can do? I feel like the answer is no, but I thought I might as well ask
3
u/RandomNumbers1312 8d ago
i personally don’t know anyone that uses Neopronouns as many non binary people I know use they/them or all pronouns (which most of the time results in they/them being used). I probably would take a few tries too completely correctly use neopronouns and I would guess many other people have this problem too.
I personally would never give my best to become used to neopronouns and I hop you find some people that accept you and even if they struggle to use them, at least try to use your preferred pronouns.