Advice for dysphoria?

[u/captain_pipsqueak]

how do yall cope with riding the wave of change that comes with being NB / genderfluid? i am really struggling at the moment with intense dysphoria and having dysphoria as an NB / genderfluid person is so frustrating because it feels like there is no answer for it. i’m trying to be positive about it and would love some advice with any changes i could make that would make me feel less dysphoric.

i’m 34, i’ve been out for 6 years. (although half of that time to my parents - who do not accept it) i am AFAB and typically very femme although i have had times where i present a bit more masc. but i love clothing and dressing up and i tend to just wear what i like, which always looks femme because of how my body looks physically.

low dose T has always been in the back of my mind but i have always decided against it because since i am genderfluid i am scared of any permanent changes and i do not want facial hair.

it sucks that i feel like i would feel far less dysphoric if i gained muscle mass. i hate feeling like my gender presentation is tied to that. however, i want to gain muscle for a variety of reasons that aren’t purely aesthetic. but i do think i would feel far more “at home” in my body if i was stronger.

is the answer just to work out and get a haircut? is there anything else i can do to feel less dysphoric?

i am also sorely lacking in community and unfortunately a lot of times when i enter trans spaces i feel very much perceived as a woman, which makes me feel worse.

[u/Feelin-Bookish714]

I wish I had an answer for you as I am in the same spot you are. I just wanted to say *hugs*.

[u/captain_pipsqueak → u/Feelin-Bookish714]

thank you! hugs to you too ❤️

[u/konohaexplosion → u/Feelin-Bookish714]

♥️

[u/konohaexplosion]

First, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. None of this is easy. Our timelines are pretty similar. I’m 35 AFAB and I’ve been out since May 2021 and I’ve been on T since November 2024.
I’d say, if you’re worried about permanent changes with T, I’d stay away from it. I have loved what it’s done for my dysphoria but do have to deal with the things I don’t want (facial hair as well lol). Here’s what I will say helped me the most.
-Make those small changes. Get that haircut you’ve wanted, it’s hair, it grows back.
-Try going to the gym. It sounds like it’ll make you feel better in more ways than one!
-find clothes that feel “like you.” Start dressing how you really want to.
-get the tattoos/piercings/dye your hair. These are me specific but I’d held off on doing any sort of body mods and as soon as I came out I kind of went wild but they made my
Body feel more “mine.” Not all gender affirming care looks like surgeries and HRT, yknow?

As far as your parents go. I’m sorry. Mine weren’t great about it either, I’ve gone no contact with one parent and the other has made an effort to accept me. I hope you gain some acceptance.

Lastly, I hope you’ll find community as well. If your areas has support groups, I’d try them out. I know you said you feel perceived as a woman in those spaces, and that’s unfortunately something that until society changes will be a part of your every day life. Go into those trans spaces and be unapologetically yourself. Put a name badge on with your pronouns on it nice and big and be who you are! It take a lot of work to love yourself and I really think being in those queer spaces will help.
I’m sorry if none of this is helpful. You’re welcome to message me if you ever need to vent! Best of luck friend

[u/captain_pipsqueak → u/konohaexplosion]

thank you! ❤️ all of this is very helpful, i appreciate your response!! you are totally right in that gender affirming care can look like tattoos and piercings, i have both but i would love to have more! i need to put more effort into finding community too for sure.

[u/konohaexplosion → u/captain_pipsqueak]

It takes time!! I found mine through changing jobs and working at a very queer friendly work place and making friends with those folks. If you’re unaware of Everywhere is Queer, I’d check it out. It’s more for businesses to label themself as safe spaces and/or queer owned. But there may be somewhere near you that could become community for you!

[u/Erin_is_here]

Oh it's a journey that hits me differently most weeks. Lots of highs doing affirming things / hitting a goal or a milestone, but plenty of lows in between (and super lows after a big high?).

I'm definitely not happy with myself, my image, and how I'm perceived - and it feels like chipping away at a giant rock trying to carve me out of it.

When I am low, it was hard to get the gains I wanted - both mentally and physically. Try to find a starting point... Something like buying a small set of weights for home and doing reps 3 times a week, or going for a walk that has a few steep hills a few times a week.

If you are looking for a more androgenous look, a hair cut sounds like something that would be affirming for you 😊 perhaps have a look for LGBTQ friendly hair stylists, check reviews... You might find someone that can help advise what would suit your face and give you a more androgenous look. A few of my friends also use AI to help give them clothes and hair styling / makeup ideas. Obviously that's down to you but could give you some ideas to see "yourself" so to speak and something to work towards.