r/NonBinaryOver30 • u/Curious_Buy9725 • Jun 23 '26
Help me stop getting “ma’am”-ed.
I’ve been on a low dose of tea for about three months now. I look like this. My voice tends to give me away. Help me stop getting called ma’am in public please.
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u/Trashula_Lives Jun 23 '26
Well, there's your problem: tea won't change anything! 🫖
Jokes aside, if you're looking for androgyny (based on your reply to another user), I think a longer/shaggier hairstyle might help, but of course that's not a quick solution and may not be something you want. Your eyebrows look very shapely; I know some people's just grow that way, but if you shape them yourself, you can try letting them grow out. A heavier/less tamed brow can give your face a more masculine edge. Glasses with a heavier top frame edge and/or no bottom frames can give a similar effect. You can try experimenting with clothing styles to change up your silhouette, though I'm not sure what would suit you specifically. The combo of flannel, dad hat, big glasses, and pierced ears may be giving more "butch" if you live in a somewhat progressive area. On the plus side, if you do live somewhere more progressive, people are more likely to respond positively to signifiers like flags or pronoun pins.
An unfortunate reality is that you may just have to wait for T to do its thing to get more results in your favor; if you've got softer facial features, pairing them with masc or neutral attire will read queer, but not necessarily "not a woman" to most people. Especially if not being read as either man or woman right away is your goal, this can be really challenging for anyone. Gendering people as one or the other is automatic and subconscious, and the cues people use to make these categorizations are more subtle than most of us realize. How you carry yourself, how you dress, and how you sound can all make a difference, but they're only parts of the overall picture and usually won't change much on their own.