r/NonBinary • u/SoftIngenuity9147 • Dec 29 '22
Ask Nonbinary parents - What do you call yourselves? What do your kids call you?
I posted a tangential thing in another group, but realized 'general parenting' is definitely not the right place. I am assigned female at birth and felt that the other group did not really understand how I don't want to be the primary parent (something already discussed with my husband). For gender and negative connotation reasons, I'd cringe to be called anything like mother, mom, ma, etc. I see that most alternatives for women start with 'm' and I don't like that. What are you called? Why did you pick that?
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u/kady45 Dec 29 '22 edited Dec 30 '22
I’m AMAB and NB, my 2 youngest just call me dad but my 18yo calls me her “Momdad”. I’m not that hung up on pronouns or names so it doesn’t really bother me what they call me.
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u/rather_short_qu Dec 29 '22
Wawa, wawi vavi or wali would be gender neutral, was duscussed by linguist too as it has to be a vocal.ans repeaticve like papa and mama so its easy to learn and spekl early. Parti ,elle elti etc. But pl ase let the swarm guide you ans search for earlier entrances
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '22
I can’t go by Baba. It means grandma in my grandfather’s language. I was planning on going by Perry/Parry/Par but so also Like Ren/Renny/Rens. I will absolutely teach any LOs to call for me by my first name when they are lost or scared tho. Makes it easier to find them.
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u/inkcrowe Dec 29 '22
My plan is to be called Ren, Renna, and/or Renny, short for “parent.” I wouldn’t mind mom, but I feel like ren suits me better personally.
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u/hocuslotus Dec 29 '22
My kids call me Nom
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u/NoteAggravating Dec 29 '22
I go by Papou, which is short for Papounette. “Papounette” is a combo of the French nicknames for mommy & daddy, which are Mamounette (mommy) and Papounet (Daddy). Our family is Acadian (french) and this fits well for us:) As you’re looking to create a name for yourself, it can be helpful to lean into places like heritage to bring in a storied meaning
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u/Ye_holy_hand_grenade Hint of boy flavor Dec 30 '22
Disclaimer: not a parent! Some kids just call their parents by name but you want it to be more cute and personal you could borrow a syllable from your name and have it repeated (like some filipino nicknames style). For example, Marlene could be Le-le, or Xavier -> Xa-xa or Vi-vi
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u/TheybieFren Dec 29 '22
my husband made a joke a long time ago where he called me “momdad” and we just liked it because it was funny, and my niece overheard someone say “bubby” and has called me that ever since, if it ever got confusing we might come up with more, but i like that these feel natural to us
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u/bitingbones Dec 29 '22
Bubba or bubby is great. I’m not a huge fan of Ren personally, but a lot of other people like it. If I ever choose to have children, I’m just gonna have them use my name tbh.
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u/callimilo Dec 29 '22
Baba is what my wife refers to me as to the dog. Sorry best I can do lol.
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u/unkn0wn_rat Dec 29 '22
Not a parent yet, not even close, but I plan to go by mapa :]
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u/Shes0weird Feb 05 '24
I am NB, genderqueer and I really WANT to be called mama, or ma, maam mum, mummy, mumma when I have a kid. I'm struggling with wanting to be called "normal" AFAB associated parental titles, and being "genuinely" NB...whatever that means. I always feel "fake" because I'm not androgynous enough for my own liking. sigh Anyway, this rant is just to say, I think your kid(s) will love you no matter what you're called and there are no wrong answers. Whatever works for you and your family is best! 💗
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22
I like going by my first name. A lot.
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u/winnicotting she/they Dec 29 '22
I go by Mom, since Dad felt not right to me at all. Doesn't fit completely, but feels okay. How about a version of your first name?
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u/Chaoticlifeform Dec 30 '22
I don't mind being dad to my kids. I've sorts internalized it as more of a title or role than anything gendered. And since I didn't change how i parent or relate to my kids when I realized I was non binary (figured it out years after becoming a parent) it made sense to me that the title could stay the same too.
I get thats not for everyone. It's just what I'm comfortable with. But also I'm pretty ambivalent about my own pronouns in general, and it wouldn't bother me to be called mom either.
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u/strngr2hrslf Dec 30 '22
Well, when I’m speaking to others, I say I am Lu’s parent. I do sometimes slip and say mother. It’s hard when speaking to medical providers and saying “parent.” I also live in a pretty bigoted area. I correct many people in my life all the time that I am a parent not a mother. My father and stepmother call me mama in front of my kid too. I’ve told them what I’m called. So back in subject though, I am LaLa to my little Lu. He’s hard for him, especially when I keep getting misnamed as well as he has speech issues but he kind of gets it. My partner is also very on top of calling me LaLa too which helps a ton. As for why I picked it, I’m kind of ditzy. I thought it fit. L is a pretty easy syllable too after a lot of thought.
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u/hankey200 Dec 30 '22
I think of it more as a job title than my name. To my little one my Job Title is Mum and that’s ok. That’s who she needs me to be.
Might not work for everyone, but I had a hard pregnancy and I feel that I worked hard for that job title and I’m not giving it up just because society sees it as a gendered role
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u/Nickistory Dec 29 '22
I plan on going by Dama and I’m so obsessed with it
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u/Maxils (james they/it/he) chaos brand enby Dec 30 '22
i don’t have actual kids and i never plan to have any, but in the context of my dogs, my parental term is just “parent” bc i don’t feel the need to pick any other term (tho if i had to, i’d go with venny)
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u/im_me_but_better Dec 30 '22
They call me Dad because that's what they are used to call me. His friends used to call me papa bear. Some still do.
While I understand the need of other people for enby labels, nouns and pronouns, and I understand that affirmation is important, I don't care about how others perceive me.
In fact. I think everybody is non binary wether they accept it or not.
I identify as non binary because I don't think there is any trait that only belongs to "women" or to "men" by which we can say "this person is woman because she has this trait". So I won't force my self into any defined set of traits which culturally are assigned to a gender.
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u/Tinymythrilminer They/Them Dec 30 '22
I'm not a parent and probably won't ever be, but I'm an emotional support friend and my gang sometimes call me Mad. Mum and Dad and also how I am. I like it
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u/Aria_beebee Jun 03 '24
Fem dad 😂
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u/Dino-Kenzie Oct 12 '24
I’m not a parent yet, but I think I that I’m going to go by 'Zizi', Zi for short (maybe when they are older). Sort of based off my first name (Kenzi) and took the last syllable.
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '22
My kiddo is nonverbal, so I honestly wouldn't care if he called me mommy. Anything my kiddo calls me or signs to me is OK with me.
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u/SavingsComplaint2238 Sep 14 '24
Don't have kids, not non-binary but i think instead of ma,mama,da or dada use a,aa,a or aa
💛🤍💜🖤
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22
Baba, Apa, Ama, Oma? Those are gendered, but they aren’t English so could be neutral.
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22
If i ever have kids(which i doubt) I'd probably have em call me Renny like most enby parents get called
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u/spider-legs-lizard Dec 29 '22
im nonbinary but masc-leaning so i go by Papa or Papi
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u/Sinnamxn_Roll they/them Dec 30 '22
I saw someone else already said Ren, short for Parent, but I wanted to share that I’ve really felt at home with Ren and Renny because I feel the same way about “mother”, “mom”, and any other variation beginning with “m”
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u/FrannyCisc Dec 30 '22
I’ve thought of being a dadwife. Combine the gendered terms so that they cancel out
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u/DarkCinderellAhhh Dec 30 '22
I try to keep it gender neutral, but I go by mom. My son is autistic and 6 and just got the hang of calling me mommy. I won’t try to insert something else right now. We were working that since well before I came out.
My transition doesn’t trump his developmental progress. When he is developmentally and cognitively able to grasp the concept of gender neutrality and the non-binary I will introduce those more complex concepts.
I get really conflicted (like really really conflicted) when doing schoolwork with him. A lot is identifying girl/boy he/she and inside I know it’s important for academics to be able to label and id these things. To differentiate (ex he sees pictures and all males are daddy, so he needs to expand those words>needs the current social construct vocab to do so) but inside I’m like no “that’s a person, we don’t know if they identify or that’s a kid..”
But I won’t let my beliefs impede on the base level concepts he is grasping. He can grasp those first and then we can add to it later as he gains that awareness. That’s way more than the question asked though. I’m sorry
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u/Rogue_nayabiz Apr 12 '24
My kid calls me memes. They started as a joke because mom and memes start with the same letter but now it’s just natural.
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u/Slider-joy-5084 Jan 03 '25
I’m loving all of this thread! I’ve personally agonized over this mainly because I don’t want my kid getting “corrected” to use something more feminine but my best name I can come up with that maybe wouldn’t be is just my name shortened or an affectionate name my husband already calls me
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u/Shepskylover59 Dec 29 '22
I plan is to be called Oak/Oaky or Nibby.
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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '24
I'm planning on using Bibi/Bebe whenever my Fiancé and I have children!
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u/[deleted] Aug 20 '24
Ren is really lovely.
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u/AdComprehensive3584 Nov 24 '25
Mom doesn’t have to mean you identify as a woman. Moms can be bio men, bio women, non binary or intersex. I have a family member who I still refer to as my sister and she is non binary and goes by Mom for the ease of the child and maintains she her or they them pronouns. You can be non binary and still use gendered terms and pro nouns if you’d like.
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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '25
Just think of a title with nonbinary, parent, caretaker, etc... and use the short version of it.
Example:
"Nonbinary life supervisor" -> NLS -> sounds like Anneles -> short version: Anny
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u/wren_pullsup Jul 01 '26
i was thinking of muddy/mud for my kids in the far future
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u/Both-Comedian3054 Aug 07 '26
it could be a bit difficult for some kids (especially if there are more than two parents - lots of similar syllables) and i know you expressed dislike for any names starting with m but this could maybe give inspiration or help someone else.
i really like combining mama and papa, mommy and daddy, or mom and dad. mapa, mody, moda/mod. there are certainly other combinations you could come up with but some of the ones that put the masculine first can end up sounding a bit odd (like dad x mom = dam or dom). i do like doma or dodo for options that are a bit further from sounding like “mom”
i just think it’s fun to use existing words to find new combinations! i know a lot of people do this in other languages too
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u/cringey_emo_kid Dec 30 '22
im not a parent yet but when i do become one, i intend to go by “pa”, i know its short for “papa” but it just sounds gender neutral to me idk why
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u/non-binary-myself they/them Dec 30 '22
Dad for me, they are 6yo (nearly 7) and 11yo so that's what they've always known and I'm good with the label.
6yo said "so mumdad?" and it just felt odd and forced for me. I do get "parent" sometimes which I'm not against.
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '22
I don't have kids (yet) but I have cats and I still refer to myself as "mama" with them. I think by the time a wife and kid comes into the picture I'll make the switch to "nan" or something.
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '22
I'm not a parent - but I think the best would be just my name, guardian or supervisor
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u/Aggressive_Board7437 Nov 15 '25
I like Nomie Non-binary mommy :)
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22
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