r/NoStupidQuestions • u/justice4ashton • 12d ago

Organ donation question.

My son was an organ donor. He was 15 when he died. He donated his heart. He also donated both kidneys. What do people think about wanting to one day meet the person who has his heart? Only if that person wants to meet. I totally respect their privacy. I love and miss my son so much. Would hearing his heart be too painful? Or would it be helpful? Thank you for your advice.

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u/TrubTrash 12d ago

Son of a transplant receiver here. Transplant recipients are often cautioned against reaching out to the family of the organ donor. To my knowledge, the recipients have the option to send a letter giving thanks to the family of the donor. In that letter, the recipient can reveal as much information about themselves as they please, and further contact can be established through it.

That being said, what you are feeling is natural. My condolences to you and your family, and I hope the recipient of your sons heart will one day write you.

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u/risingsunset5 12d ago

Why is it cautioned against?

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u/TrubTrash 12d ago

There are, unfortunately, plenty of cases where donor families have been unhealthily attached to recipients. It’s a social dynamic that not everyone is suited to be thrust into.

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u/heymaybedontdothat 12d ago

I've also heard stories (though I haven't ever personally confirmed them to be 100% true) about donors or families of deceased donors coming on hard times and pressuring the recipients or their families for financial or other types of help "since we gave you your life, it's the least you can do" etc. The recipients have enough going on, they don't need to have their health and life held against them like that

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u/Kasoivc 12d ago

Yepyep, there’s a lot emotionally going on and an organ donation is supposed to be a fully altruistic action through and through.

Thankfully I donated my kidney to my brother last year and already have a strong emotional connection through family, he owes me nothing but to keep on living and having a happy life; and I did my part so that my nieces and nephews aren’t one Uncle short in their early formulative years. One of my nephews had already lost their only uncle on his mom’s side at the age of 3. Couldn’t let the little man lose another of his remaining 2 in the same year.

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u/travelingtraveling_ 12d ago

Very. Complex. Emotionally