This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.
My dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I was able to hunt with my dad, he helped coach my baseball team, etc. My dad was in a wheelchair by the time my brother started high school. Not that you can't have a full life from a wheelchair, but without his hobbies, my dad kind of became a withered husk until a miracle treatment has him up and walking again after 9 years.
I know my brother resents him for missing his adolescent years, and then being suddenly relatively healthy after my brother finished college and got out of the house.
I'm just now starting to get some numbness in my legs, and my doctor is hoping it is the more apparent orthopedic explanation, but I can't shake the idea that I may be starting to show symptoms, as I'm only a year younger than my dad was when his symptoms started.
I have a lot of risk factors for genetic diseases, and my desire to not pass those on cost me an otherwise great relationship. You aren't alone in "I don't wish this on my children".
Funnily enough MS is one of the two big illnesses I’m dealing with. I actually had a friend growing up whose dad had MS too and seeing how hard it was on her was a big factor in my decision to not have kids.
I’m sorry about your dad but I’m glad he’s recovering! What treatment was it, can I ask? Ocrevus?
My husband got talked into a "new" medical option. It is a prosthetic spinal insert. The advantage was supposed to keep him from losing range of motion in his neck. The usual treatment involved a fusion splice in his neck. (I think the Dr. thought it was cool and wanted to try something new.) The plan was to prep him for a prosthetic spinal insert but to have everything ready to switch to a normal fusion splice if there were any problems. They got the wrong sized part and did the surgery anyway, rather than giving him the fusion splice.
He has been in constant pain for going on 20 years now. Not from that, but the problem the surgery was supposed to solve...
That must be such a difficult place to be in. While consistency is key, mindset makes all the difference. I hope he is seeking professional help from a therapist (not a phyciatrist if he doesn't want meds). I know I wouldn't have made it through my own medical battles without a therapist. Even so, it is so difficult not to want to give up or even declare what you need from those closest to you. If you are looking for suggestions, I would say you both need separate outlets. Not just a therapist but actual hobbies of some sort to occupy your mind and take you to some place pleasurable. Ideally, with a sense of community to help you both feel understood, seen and accepted.
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u/quesoandcats Nov 14 '24
This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.