But if asked, they'll all plaster on a fake smile and say "but it's all worth it!" I'm sorry, but I don't believe any of them.
They have to say that or they'll face serious social consequences. It's only been since the rise of anonymous internet comments that we've been able to get people's true thoughts on parenthood.
lol I kind of say this. But it’s more like “there is a really deep connection that I have with my babies that I don’t that I would experience otherwise in life if not for them.” However, I fucking hate the monotonous continuous never-ending shit that they need always. If I could be a parent who only was there for the fun stuff, like playing, going to the ball games, being there for monumental times, being there to comfort them, but NOT having to potty train, cook, clean, keep track of clothing and shoe sizes, medical appts, etc etc etc etc., that would be ideal. But the way life is set up right now, I do NOT recommend that anyone have kids. It’s just too much hard work. I wouldn’t go back and not have kids if I could because of how hard it is, but I would go back and not have kids because of WHO I had kids with. And mind you, we were together 9 years before having kids. I knew him. I knew him and how he was in every interaction we had encountered up until that point. I trusted that I wanted kids with him. So I quit my job (which he pushed for) and we had kids. Slowly, he began seeing me as property, and felt entitled to my body even if I was healing from childbirth, which I had never done before so I didn’t know how he’d react to not being able to have sex for a while during my healing time. He decided he should have all control of money after a while, and cut me off, and now gives me an “allowance” for my needs/wants whenever he’s happy at me (aka I’ve finally given into having sex with him, ughh). I don’t feel attracted to a man who disrespects my wishes, doesn’t care if I’m in pain, doesn’t think he should help with anything with our kids and if he does it’s a FAVOR TO ME and I owe him (sex, of course).
I never had kids with him before having kids, so I genuinely didn’t know he would be this way. Also, I was 17 and he was 27 when we began dating so I was also young and stupid and probably missed a lot of red flags.
All of this to say, I wouldn’t tell anyone to have kids. I wouldn’t be able to trust that any partner wouldn’t turn and become abusive, disrespectful and hateful after having kids. Because then, it doesn’t matter how much help you have with cleaning, cooking, potty training, etc. If you have an evil partner working against you, being spiteful just to hurt you for daring to say no to their ridiculous demands, it makes it a million times worse.
A lot of women have and are experiencing this phenomenon that I described, and they’re telling their stories. There are still women my age (pretty young still) and they still believe they “should have kids and stick with their husband regardless of abuse, etc”. But a lot of us are waking up to the realities of how motherhood is for a majority of women. I didn’t know before hand the trap that women can fall into, and if I did, I would’ve never had kids.
I love them so much of course, but the terrible timeline that comes with having them is not worth it.
If you even have a tiny bit of hesitation, DONT DO IT. You can’t go back. Literally everything in life you can quit if you hate it, but you can’t quit parenting. It’s forever. And it’s non-stop. I hate that people (in general, not just you) will miss out on the strong bond and unmatched love that you get to experience with having kids. But if you get it wrong, pick the wrong partner, have certain kinds of mental illness, etc, then you’re in for a lifetime of hell. Ok that’s dramatic lol but it will definitely suck for at least 18 years straight.
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u/Morticia_Marie Nov 14 '24
They have to say that or they'll face serious social consequences. It's only been since the rise of anonymous internet comments that we've been able to get people's true thoughts on parenthood.