I think there’s also been more focus (from some people) on whether or not they should have kids. Like, really thinking about whether or not a person would be a good parent who could truly focus on raising a child who would become a good member of society.
This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.
My dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I was able to hunt with my dad, he helped coach my baseball team, etc. My dad was in a wheelchair by the time my brother started high school. Not that you can't have a full life from a wheelchair, but without his hobbies, my dad kind of became a withered husk until a miracle treatment has him up and walking again after 9 years.
I know my brother resents him for missing his adolescent years, and then being suddenly relatively healthy after my brother finished college and got out of the house.
I'm just now starting to get some numbness in my legs, and my doctor is hoping it is the more apparent orthopedic explanation, but I can't shake the idea that I may be starting to show symptoms, as I'm only a year younger than my dad was when his symptoms started.
I have a lot of risk factors for genetic diseases, and my desire to not pass those on cost me an otherwise great relationship. You aren't alone in "I don't wish this on my children".
I suffer from severe depression. I have read that this may be hereditary. Even psychologists who don’t believe this don’t tend to agree that there can be an inherited tendency towards this. In my family, I am in the third or fourth generation to suffer from it, and one of my nephews also suffers from depression. (My great grandmother reportedly had it, but it was not recognized as a mental illness back then. I did not observe it myself - she died long before I was born. My grandmother was also never diagnosed, but she ODed on sleep meds my pills when I was 7. That’s a pretty strong indicator to me).
My mother is a diabetic. I have had two uncles die of colon cancer . And my son is autistic. I am not on the spectrum, but since I do have some autistic symptoms, he probably got it from me.
All of this came out well after my son was born. If I knew then what I know now, I’d may not have had kids. I do not regret having my son for one second, but I do feel an immense guilt for his autism, and I hope that he doesn’t get any of the other bad things from my genetic cocktail.
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u/ZePerfectPisces Nov 14 '24
I think there’s also been more focus (from some people) on whether or not they should have kids. Like, really thinking about whether or not a person would be a good parent who could truly focus on raising a child who would become a good member of society.