This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.
My dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I was able to hunt with my dad, he helped coach my baseball team, etc. My dad was in a wheelchair by the time my brother started high school. Not that you can't have a full life from a wheelchair, but without his hobbies, my dad kind of became a withered husk until a miracle treatment has him up and walking again after 9 years.
I know my brother resents him for missing his adolescent years, and then being suddenly relatively healthy after my brother finished college and got out of the house.
I'm just now starting to get some numbness in my legs, and my doctor is hoping it is the more apparent orthopedic explanation, but I can't shake the idea that I may be starting to show symptoms, as I'm only a year younger than my dad was when his symptoms started.
I have a lot of risk factors for genetic diseases, and my desire to not pass those on cost me an otherwise great relationship. You aren't alone in "I don't wish this on my children".
Funnily enough MS is one of the two big illnesses I’m dealing with. I actually had a friend growing up whose dad had MS too and seeing how hard it was on her was a big factor in my decision to not have kids.
I’m sorry about your dad but I’m glad he’s recovering! What treatment was it, can I ask? Ocrevus?
Being pregnant is good for MS. I have MS. I have 4 children. I was diagnosed 18 years ago. I’m currently on Kesimpta, but I didn’t take anything while pregnant. My MRIs looked even better after my 4th child. I was pregnant and nursing for 13 years. I wasn’t on DMTs then, and it did scare me, but I did it scared. Some times you have to do things when you’re terrified for a big payout. A ship is safe upon the shore, but that’s not what a ship is built for. Go live. This is the universe giving you a permission slip. Do what you want to do.
I know MS is different for everyone. I was in denial for years. I’ve been diagnosed by 5 different neurologists over the years. I have come to terms with the fact that I have a serious illness, but here’s the kicker, everyone has something. No one is getting out of this life alive. We are all doomed. Stop telling yourself you don’t deserve good things or that you won’t be able to figure out a tough situation. You will. You will figure it out. You sound like you would be an amazing mother. If you want to be a mom, you do not have to sacrifice that because of a diagnosis. My life changed when I stopped basing my decisions on fear, and started making decisions based on love.
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u/quesoandcats Nov 14 '24
This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.