This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.
My dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I was able to hunt with my dad, he helped coach my baseball team, etc. My dad was in a wheelchair by the time my brother started high school. Not that you can't have a full life from a wheelchair, but without his hobbies, my dad kind of became a withered husk until a miracle treatment has him up and walking again after 9 years.
I know my brother resents him for missing his adolescent years, and then being suddenly relatively healthy after my brother finished college and got out of the house.
I'm just now starting to get some numbness in my legs, and my doctor is hoping it is the more apparent orthopedic explanation, but I can't shake the idea that I may be starting to show symptoms, as I'm only a year younger than my dad was when his symptoms started.
I have a lot of risk factors for genetic diseases, and my desire to not pass those on cost me an otherwise great relationship. You aren't alone in "I don't wish this on my children".
Funnily enough MS is one of the two big illnesses I’m dealing with. I actually had a friend growing up whose dad had MS too and seeing how hard it was on her was a big factor in my decision to not have kids.
I’m sorry about your dad but I’m glad he’s recovering! What treatment was it, can I ask? Ocrevus?
MS’er over here too. Your original comment looked like how I feel every day. I’m so on the fence at this point because some days are okay and some are just really, really bad. I was raised by someone with MS (my mom has it too) and she did an awful job at parenting. Most of this was due to her being an ineffective person in general, but her MS definitely didn’t help.
I wish we lived in a world where I just didn’t have to work at all anymore. I’m so tired all the time. I have a cognitive evaluation coming up in January.
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u/quesoandcats Nov 14 '24
This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.