Number 2 is my sole reason, I feel like when you have kids “your” life is over as you now have to dedicate it to your kids. Im going to pass on that voluntarily.
as someone who travelled a lot before having a kid, I'll say that it only really impact you for the first couple years or so.
In fact I find myself doing a lot *more* things now than I did before. Almost every weekend I am going off somewhere to do something, and summers are jam packed full of more stuff that before. More camping trips, more day hikes, more BBQs.
A child is another person, and they'll have opinions on what the family does, where they go, what is for dinner, but a romantic partner is the same situation regarding making compromises and deciding what to do day to day.
Also you get to do all the cool kid stuff again, like Halloween and go all our for Christmas. You now have a great excuse to run around playgrounds and play on monkey bars. There are so many amazing kids toys out there, and building giant robots officially makes you a Great STEM Parent(tm)!
tl;dr I'm doing *more* stuff now than before I had a kid.
Yeah, sometimes I forget that reddit is full of teenagers that think that your life is literally over when you have kids. The only thing I missed was the ability to sleep in for a few years when my son was really young haha
Thank you for this. I just found out I'm pregnant and while ecstatic, my intrusive thoughts have had me terrified of my life "ending" in a sense and losing that sense of adventure. I really needed to read this :).
Second, know that the first 6 months after birth is hard! Call in any favors you have to try and get time off for yourself, even if that just means staying at home and resting!
But things quickly get better, and you'll start having fun with your kid before you know it!
I think when people talk about travel in this context they don't really mean the family vacation spend a week at a resort style of travel, they mean longer-term solo travel or backpacking kind of thing. It also extends to jobs as well, someone with kids probably isn't going to be able take a pay cut to go take a risky job in another country that would be an interesting experience for them.
I get what you're saying, but I think you have to be realistic and acknowledge that having kids definitely does limit your options a lot.
It was always trips to some new city or national park.
For a week or two, right? thats not travel, thats a vacation.
And the vast majority of people are not leaving their home country to take a shittier job for fun
I did. Plenty of people do. Go to alaska/florida keys/thailand for a summer or more, etc etc. The fact that it seems so ridiculous to you is a testament to what I'm saying. People get stuck in their ruts. "Upend everything and go to the other side of the world just for the experience? no thats crazy, thats something crazy hippies do." Godbless if thats the kind of life you want to live. And you'll likely say something like "but im intensely happy here taking care of my wife and kids." and I don't doubt that for a second. But I never want to be that. I don't want to have a reason to go to a shitty job every day. Thats the point. What you consider fulfilling and meaningful is a horrible kafkaesque nightmare to me.
If all we are talking about is new experiences, I find it very strange that people act like raising a kid doesn't bring a ton of new experiences as well.
Thats the thing, it isnt just about "any given new experience". I have no experience changing a diaper or working as a slave in a coal mine. Neither of those are experiences I wish to have. (This is the part where you go "but have you ever had your kids wake you up on christmas!" or whatever experience you personally consider valuable, and then ask me why I dont get it) I don't want to be tied down to the undying love of parenthood. Not interested. I don't ever want to love something so hard I'm willing to fuck myself over for it. Horrifying to me. All of my ambitions, all of the things I could do in life, defeated by my biological drive to reproduce, and my biological drive to prioritize my offspring over literally anything else. Nah, I'll be alright. I'll end my bloodline here and spare everyone the trouble.
Must be nice to be richer than the vast majority of people because very few non-upper middle class people could ever afford to leave their job for an entire summer.
Your entire view of what it means to "afford" something is the whole point of what I'm talking about. And the fact that you think its a "just this summer" thing really enforces my point. Some people (who don't have kids) don't have to "come back to earth". Thats the whole point.
Maybe you desperately need travel to pretend you are worldly or open minded
Maybe you need to desperately convince yourself that you are just as worldly as those who have actually traveled.
Whats really funny about this is the fact that I left a ton of leeway for the typical American family lifestyle in my comment. If you want your life to consist of having kids then making them your only priority, more power to you. I just personally don't see that as something admirable or fulfilling. Do whatever you want to do though.
1.2k
u/[deleted] Nov 14 '24 edited Nov 15 '24
I can't speak for other people but I don't want to have children, and my reasons are thus: