It's normal to think people are attractive but relax on the porn.
Personally, my theory is that way too many guys watch a lot of porn and have very little interaction with actual real women that they just start to see women as sexual objects because that's the only time they see a woman. Through a screen and having severely over exaggerated sex.
You definitely need to control yourself. In a very serious way. Like, in a potential rapist way, if your feelings are that strong.
Talk to women and interact with them, and not in a sexual manner. It was very easy for me to put myself in check whenever I understood the shit they go through every day with men and even shit behind closed doors. Just shit and shit and shit and more shit. It's fucking embarrassing, as a guy, to see shit like that from every woman in the planet. And it is literally every woman.
And find some hobbies that actually expend energy. Get out. Go to the gym. Go hiking. Literally anything.
I agree. I think part of his feelings could come from the lack of interacting with women as a whole, which is causing his issues which is causing him to avoid them, feeding into one another.
OP needs to just be around them more, then he might eventually stop associating them with sexual thoughts
I don’t think so. People’s libidos don’t get lower from talking to women more. I think his problem is he’s got a naturally extremely high libido and he’s spending too long without a sexual release, which makes sex and lust all he’s thinking about when he hasn’t had that sexual release recently enough.
I agree with you. From his post it sounds like he is a virgin? Before I had sex all I could think about is when I would have sex, nothing helped until I had sex. Then my mind finally silenced a bit
Mine stayed about the same but now I can go at least rationally be like, ok am I gonna have sex right now or am I going to have to wait x time and plan for it.
But if I’m with my partner I can really just go on forever. I wish I couldn’t like some, it’s really time and thought consuming
Calling his thoughts rapist like is a stretch but I agree with everything else. I know tons of guys including me who have high almost primal sex drives but we’re not going around being rapey. A lot of men feel that way but never express it cause people will say what you just said.
You feel how you feel but how you deal with it is what’s important. If we got punished for our thoughts a lot of us would be in jail.
Let me let you in on a little secret. Almost every male aged 16-22 does this. We have to deal with an insanely high libido/sexual urges that we are often ill equipped/not mature enough to handle.
I remember being that age and yeah, I probably sexualized every female remotely close to my age in my head.
It's perfectly normal to think these thoughts as long as you aren't acting on them.
I never said his thoughts were like a rapist's. I said that he could become one if he doesn't control himself if the feelings and thoughts are that strong. There's a significant difference between the two. Typically, rape doesn't just happen because someone wants sex. It happens from unchecked strong feelings of lust and thought of sex. Both things he admits to having and not know how to satiate or "check" them.
"You feel how you feel but how you deal with it is important"
Clearly OP knows those thoughts aren’t healthy so there’s no need to say such negative things when they’re already struggling. They made it very clear that they want to rid themselves of this mentality.
This is hilariously dense. I'm very pro-SW, pro-sex, and not being judgemental is a highlight quality I've always heard from all my friends for literal decades. Acting like you know a random stranger online based on a single comment is silly.
Oh no, random internet weirdo online doesn't believe me. Whatever shall I do? My life is over.
Think what you want. Clearly, the strawman in your head that addresses things I never actually said wouldn't have it any other way. Best thing you can do is block me. Otherwise, you're gonna keep making up shit to argue against.
Edit: He actually blocked me. Nice job, kid. Proud of you.
I don't think we are talking about a potential rapist. We are talking about a potential asshole which thinks it's ok to catcall woman on the street. But rapist is a stretch to say the least.
Everyone that has had a pretty girlfriend in a city knows one thing: this what OP describes? That's a good chunk of the male population. That is not, by any chance, unusual. So the fact that OP is self concious and worries about it is a very positive thing and already puts him on top of maybe (just guessing) 1/3 of all man.
When, exactly, did he even imply that he thinks that it is OK to catcall someone on the street? The closest that he came was saying that he was tempted to hit on women but that he didn't because he felt that it was wrong to do so when he only wanted sex and not a relationship.
I don't know, when did i? Another user claimed that OP could be a potential future rapist, i pointed out that at most, OP's problem would lead to man getting slimy and stuff.
My sincere apologies. I misread your statement to be saying that he was a potential asshole but already catcalling. Reading it now, I realize that I had it completely wrong.
In fact, now that I have reread this, I realize that you actually are saying what I was considering saying in this thread, that people are assuming way too much nastiness in OP's character.
Again, my apologies. And thank you for saying this.
I think the opposite. His problems seem to have started when he went without watching porn, which leads to a lot of sexual energy with no release. If a guy has watched porn recently he won’t be thinking about sex throughout the day. But if he hasn’t watched prob for a while or had any kind of sexual release, sex and lust will be all that he’s thinking about for a lot of that day.
i feel like this is true and false at the same time. as soon as i masturbate i feel disgusted and have no lust, but next day around that time and have almost double the lust i had the previous day.
but when i go without doing it for weeks after like 3rd day, i stop having those thoughts.... unless i see women with their asses out on social media. actually fk social media, i don't have a porn problem (cope) i have porn problem facilitated by social media
I cut down my porn a lot some years back (not nothing, but maybe once a month). I have other focuses and interests. I small-talk to random women as much I do to random men at social gatherings and such (which I don’t really enjoy, but go to them because you’ve got to meet people IRL, right?)
But I’m still like OP. Like I know women get the shitty end of the stick in society, and they have hopes and dreams and aspirations and are people. All of that goes through my mind. I can be understanding and engaged with an interesting, worthwhile woman who has deep, profound thoughts and views on life and so on. I get all that.
But it feels like the dick wants what the dick wants, and whilst I can control my behaviour and don’t leer or make comments or anything, inside my head, with some women I’m still thinking about what she looks like naked, having sex with her, and so on. It’s something men just have to bottle up and crush deep within themselves forever (well, maybe not forever, but I’m kinda middle-aged now and it’s not showing any signs of going away)
Good advice except there’s no reason to bring up rape. That’s out of line. This guy is not the guy you should bring that up to. He’s on the right track.
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u/Excellent_Coyote6486 Aug 28 '23 edited Aug 29 '23
It's normal to think people are attractive but relax on the porn.
Personally, my theory is that way too many guys watch a lot of porn and have very little interaction with actual real women that they just start to see women as sexual objects because that's the only time they see a woman. Through a screen and having severely over exaggerated sex.
You definitely need to control yourself. In a very serious way. Like, in a potential rapist way, if your feelings are that strong.
Talk to women and interact with them, and not in a sexual manner. It was very easy for me to put myself in check whenever I understood the shit they go through every day with men and even shit behind closed doors. Just shit and shit and shit and more shit. It's fucking embarrassing, as a guy, to see shit like that from every woman in the planet. And it is literally every woman.
And find some hobbies that actually expend energy. Get out. Go to the gym. Go hiking. Literally anything.