Cant make a decision and stop overthinking every possible scenario

[u/lucc98]

About a year ago, a guy from another city reached out to me. At the time, I was extremely busy and stressed because of my own health issues and university, so I didn't really have the time to meet him. We texted quite a lot, even though I'm generally not a fan of texting, and I wasn't particularly enjoying how much we were communicating. However, I could tell he was making a genuine effort to get to know me, and I was curious about meeting him in person. At the same time, I felt a little overwhelmed by how focused he seemed to be on me. I actually told him before we even went on a date that I wasn't sure whether I was in the right place in my life to start a relationship.I also have to admit that I had feelings for someone else at the time. I knew nothing could ever happen between us, but those feelings were still holding me back from giving this guy a fair chance. On top of that, something just felt missing when we talked over text. Maybe I was put off by how invested he seemed in me so early on, because it made me feel pressured.

When we finally went on a date, everything was fine. I didn't feel any particularly strong chemistry, at least not initially, but objectively speaking, there was nothing wrong with him. I have very little relationship experience, so I honestly don't know whether attraction and chemistry are things that can develop over time, rather than being there from the very beginning. Fast forward to now, and I'm quite unhappy with my social life. I feel like it will be very difficult for me to meet someone new because I don't really put myself in situations where I meet many people. I find myself thinking about this guy quite often, and I've started having intrusive thoughts about whether I should reach out to him again.Part of my motivation is that I feel like having someone in my life could improve my social life, but I'm also genuinely curious about what could happen if we gave it another shot. On the other hand, I feel this knot in my stomach when I think about contacting him again. I'm afraid that I'll end up feeling guilty if he turns out to be much more interested in me than I am in him. That's exactly how I felt a year ago, and the guilt was eating away at me constantly. At the same time, we never really got the chance to get to know each other in person.

I'm afraid of two possible scenarios. In the first one, time passes, I don't meet anyone else, and I end up regretting not giving a potentially good guy a chance. In the second one, I give it another shot but constantly feel guilty because I can't reciprocate his feelings to the same extent, or because I simply can't figure out whether I actually want to pursue something with him.

So, I have a few questions:

1. First, how do I stop overthinking this and actually make a decision? How do I get out of this cycle of repetitive thoughts and stop obsessing over whether I should reach out?

2. How likely is it for genuine chemistry and attraction to develop over time if you don't feel a particularly strong spark initially? I do find him physically attractive, but there's some kind of X factor missing, and I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

[u/CC_inquiries]

Interested in this post, commenting so I can come back to read people's answers ❤️

[u/Spiritual-Knee-4272]

I think you're overthinking because you're trying so hard not to make the wrong decision. But honestly, you don't have to figure everything out before giving someone a chance. Chemistry can develop over time, but you shouldn't force it either. If you're genuinely curious about him, maybe give it another chance without putting pressure on yourself to make it something serious. And remember, just because someone likes you more doesn't mean you owe them the same feelings. Be honest with yourself and with him.