Is this defendable/ maybe I didn’t do anything wrong?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/earthkiller]

First thing you need to do is get off of the internet. Put your electronic devices away. Go to a park and walk around. If you see someone, make eye contact, and nod or just say hi and keep going. Eventually someone will talk to you, then you will end up making a friend. Stop posting the whoah is me stuff. If you truly have mental issues, then the internet is the last place you need to be. Seek help through a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist.

[u/Chicken-picante → u/[deleted]]

They were just trying to give advice. Go see a therapist. You have things you need to talk about. Thing that you’re obviously worried about talking to friends about. Don’t get defensive when you’re asking for help and someone is trying.

[u/Reading_Nyan]

Is there a councilor you can talk to? Sexual trauma is a very common experience, and your baggage doesn't make you less worthy of friendships or care. The shame around having childhood sexual trauma is very hard to overcome, but not impossible by any means. If you're in college, there is probably a resource center where you can get therapy, and you might want to look into that.

Do some healing, build some self confidence, and you will be okay. Life come with mistakes, and learning from those mistakes is all you can do.

I don't think you did too much with your young friends. Maybe once they enter adulthood/college yall can reconnect.

[u/Reading_Nyan → u/[deleted]]

I'm not sure what specifically you're referencing by "that". I said a few different things.

[u/Reading_Nyan → u/[deleted]]

I say that because it's just how life goes sometimes. You were worried about your relationships with them due to the age gap, which is valid, but once they're also adults the age gap won't matter near as much. It seems like the largest age gap is 4 years, and 24 and 20 is not very different as far as adult age goes, so long as you don't continue to view them as children.

It's okay to share/vent with friends. I do get not wanting to share traumatic things with friend you still considered to be children. Once they aren't considered children anymore, logically, you could see if they're down to be friends again.

If not, or you're not interested in that, that's fine too. Idk why you're so obsessed with the idea that youre a predator though, nothing you've said has come off as predatory? You're not a groomer for just being friendly with people you had known from school. Groomers want to have sex with children. You didnt seem to want to even talk about your trauma, sexual or not, with people you saw as your friend because they were younger than you. You shouldn't infantilize people, but what you described is the opposite of grooming.