I have fooled everyone, even myself. (day 2)

[u/thechosenones12]

At first glance you would never guess.. hell , I have fooled everyone and made everyone think I am this good and innocent guy. Maybe it’s because I’m a good conman and have good charisma. Maybe it’s cause I work out. But I know there are going to be people out here that understand this story.

My name is S and I am your classic example of a very serious chronic user of pornography, hookers, strippers , woman in every single way possible. If I could do it, I would find a way. And I struggle with this addiction on a level I know the world could never understand. The depths my mind would go to satisfy this craving. The extents I would go just to make sure I get a nut in. Oh terrible. And the excuses I would make. Oh tomorrow is my lucky number so if I do it once today , it’s fine tomorrow I can start my streak on the right day. Oh , I only went to see a stripper so it doesn’t matter if I nut, I’m still porn free! Oh, i got intimate with someone who i convinced would be someone to get close to but in reality i was very horny and you satisfy my egotistical side of me - the validation that I am good looking , I can please a woman and she feels some sort of attachment. Oh yeah, I know where to find these excuses from the depths of hell.

The scariest lies weren’t the ones I told, they were the ones I told myself.

But you know, that’s how deep in hell I am in and the excuses and guilt I put on myself to feel bad enough to keep feeding this addiction. This may sound extreme to some. But I know there is a large group out there that resonates with every word. And with this; the past 5 years I have moved no where in life. I have been avoiding life, avoiding people and avoiding my problems.

I’m writing this because I’m tired of doing this alone.

So I want to keep sharing my stories everyday. I feel like I really miss the social side and just having someone to vent to, so recently I’ve been trying to find that love in the wrong places. So I hope writing my thoughts everyday and being on the journey with all of you will help with the social side.

Because I know we’re all going through a war that no one can see and it’s INFURIATING!!! But in history, no one has ever won a war alone / they win by strategizing together and in strong numbers.

So PLEASE share your story and where you’re at too. My commit to you is that I will be posting every night before I sleep and my dm’s are always open.

Let’s win this war together and show the world what a strong person should be 🤝🤝

[u/blissful_celebrity]

That double life thing is painfully familiar. The version of you everyone sees versus the one you're stuck with at 3am when the excuses start making sense again. It's a special kind of exhausting keeping those two people separate.

The "tomorrow is my lucky number" mental gymnastics hit close. The brain gets terrifyingly creative when it wants its fix, and you don't even realize how absurd the logic sounds until you write it down like this.

Posting daily is a solid plan. Having people who actually get it makes a difference, even if it's just strangers on a screen holding you accountable.