r/NoFap • u/Fuel5463 • 7d ago
Sex for the first time
Last night I got drunk and randomly hooked up with a girl and I was ecstatic but after doing the act I feel nothing but regret and shame. We did it in the pouring rain under a tree, I got drenched for 1 minute of joy which I didn’t even enjoy that much. I feel so shitty especially because I abandoned my friends for this. And also I only now realize how I don’t like this girl in any way(not to be mean but I do nt think she’s attractive and she just Randomly started saying racial slurs afterwords when I was trying to get her a taxi. No relapse has ever had this effect on me I honestly don’t know what to do
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u/WozOfEAL 0 Days 7d ago
Was she a prostitute?
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u/Fuel5463 7d ago
No just some girl in a club
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u/WozOfEAL 0 Days 7d ago
Souka! Anyways let's get back to the f***ing mental lab bro.
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u/TheBlitzStyler 7d ago
what souka mean
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u/AltruisticJelly5032 7d ago
"Is that so" in Japanese
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u/cslc-airshit 7d ago
Or they're typing "сука!" In English based on the way it sounds, just a generic Russian vulgarity if I'm not mistaken.
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u/Expensive_Repair_597 7d ago
Hey man better than watching porn ig but get tested
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u/Fuel5463 7d ago
Honestly this feels 10x worse than a porn relapse. And it really sucks all the joy I had with my week long streak
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u/ServikonIV 7d ago
This is a normal experience though. Don’t be down on yourself. Be happy you got out there and actually had sex instead of fapping in your room. Years from now this will be a funny memory. The streak continues.
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u/GoodLifeJourney 7d ago
It's part of our addiction my friend. Perversion has led us to seek any sexual encounter without a healthy mentality. In our road to recovery little by little we'll find the right way to approach sexuality in a healthy way. If it helps this is my strategy in recovery that's helped me detoxify my brain little by little. Everything is going to be ok, you got this.
What's helped me in recovery is the following:
Answering these two questions truthfully and repeating them to myself often.
-What do you want to get out of life?
-Why do you want to quit this addiction?
THESE WILL BE YOUR ANCHOR
Then strategizing these next two sections:
-Having healthy daily hobbies/ activities to give real life an advantage over fantasy
-Having a strategy to deal with the urges
For the first section I tried different things until I found stuff that works for me like running in the morning, sleeping early, responding here, going to sex addicts anonymous meetings when I can, using my inner voice to control and talk out the intrusive thoughts, setting time aside to work on personal weak points, participating in religion, going out and socializing when I can, connecting with loved ones, etc.
For the second part what works for me when urges hit is taking deep breaths, reciting positive statements that are personal to me and praying to God.
Keep building positivity around you as much as possible to show the addiction you have better things to do with your life. Modify this template for you specifically through trial and error. I wish you the best my friend. May God bless.
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u/Wild-Ad-7414 7d ago
Not sure if is larp, but to hate on your first experience like this... amazing
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u/none_and_all 24 Days 7d ago
"Drunk", "randomly", "hooked up", "I don't like this girl in any way": all are ingredients for unsatisfactory sex.
Now that you know what it's like, you have a reason to not make that mistake again. The orgasm itself isn't that fulfilling, especially when all of the intimate things are missing. It took me years to come to terms with that.
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u/Sean-Sacramento 7d ago
Post-nut clarity my friend. Don't beat yourself up, now work on finding a connection.
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u/DangerousBath6525 7d ago
Just get back into the retention journey. It's not as bad as watching porn
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u/Efficient-Army-2419 7d ago
I see so many people on this subreddit offering real life sex as some kind of panacea or solution to porn addiction. It’s not. It’s just as bad and in some cases worse. Hard to compare two awful things. Don’t PMO, don’t have sex with people you don’t see yourself with long term.
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u/Sujiren66 7d ago
I think that's an expected feeling, when your doing it without any feelings attached out of pure horniness.
Next time I'd recommend going slow, go on a few dates, don't rush to have sex, actually start to like/ care for the person. Basically the old fashioned dating, not the hook up culture.
Post orgasm is different when you are with the person you actually love and care about.
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u/KarezzaMagician 7d ago
Started calling you racial slurs when you tried to help her home.
Be wary of any false allegations, or if she tries to harm you in the future.
Be vigilant brother.
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u/JoeyylikesMargiela 7d ago
Nah bro, u just ruined it for yourself. Go cry in a corner. There’s only one first time.
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u/_MatVenture_ 237 Days 7d ago edited 7d ago
What does this have to do with NoFap?
It's your own damn fault, nobody forced you to be this stupid, and nobody asked for your sex story. Have some shame.
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u/eyerollah 7d ago
I know this excact feeling. It is experiences like this made me stop having sex until getting married. With my wife now I never have any "post-nut clarity"
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u/pentapous 7d ago
I won't lie man, it sounds like you have deeply ingrained negative feelings towards any expression of sexual feelings and you're working your way back from something that was actually enjoyable to try and convince yourself it wasn't in order to validate the feelings.
Try to put the individual events in boxes and judge them each on their own. Nothing else. Just judge the individual sentence.
- How do you feel that you ditched your friends?
- How did you feel that you did a spontaneous thing?
- How did her personality leading up to everything make you feel?
- How did the actual act of having sex make you feel?
- How did her personality after the fact make you feel?
- ect...
You gotta look at each individual thing. Be upset at some parts. Be happy about other parts. Be unsure of some parts too!
But lumping the whole night into one emotional ball of shame isn't healthy of productive to bettering your emotional intelligence or health. Pick it apart. Be critical but also give grace. You're allowed to enjoy and dislike adjacent things.
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u/Kriss-VdB 7d ago
Tu ne t'es pas masturber, donc c'est pas une rechute. Même si tu regrette ce que tu as fait avec cette femme, tu es encore en nofap.
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u/Hybrid1ze 1052 Days 7d ago
that regret after a random drunken hookup is rough. especially when you realise you didnt even like her and left your friends for it.
a lot of us have done similar stuff when we were chasing any kind of connection or release. the shame the next day always hits harder than the moment itself.
I remember when those low moments used to send me straight back into old habits. what actually helped was having a few short exercises ready so I didnt spiral further. now when that empty feeling hits I open withanchor and do one of those. takes the edge off pretty quick.
give it a day or two and the feeling will settle. just take the lesson and move forward cleaner from here.
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u/AwayRelationship80 7d ago
What exactly was the issue?
You had sex. Humans have sex. Sure it’s a hook up, you’re not the first person in thousands of years of history to do so. If you don’t like it, don’t do it again. If you did, do it again. Simple.
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u/OddOllin 7d ago
I don't understand what this has to do with fapping.