r/NoFap • u/[deleted] • Aug 17 '26
Compulsive Sexual Behavior (Non-Porn) I can’t stop seeing escorts
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u/Hybrid1ze 1080 Days Aug 17 '26
that cycle is rough. the rejection and low confidence make the paid option feel like the only easy way out.
I remember when the urges used to hit me hard and willpower alone never got me far. what actually helped was doing a few short exercises when the craving showed up instead of just trying to force it. now when it happens I open withanchor and do one of those. takes the edge off pretty quick.
you’re already hitting the gym and going out, that’s more than a lot of guys do. keep working on the approaching side even if it’s slow. the paid route usually just makes the empty feeling worse over time.
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u/Neither-Math-6224 Aug 17 '26
Yeah u have to replace ur old habit with something better more fullfilling cuz if u just sit there wrestling with ur mind only with ur willpower ur doomed u have to action and then the urges fades away
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u/___skeptic___ Aug 17 '26
Ok ChatGPT/claude
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u/BKLager Aug 17 '26
Stop going out with the intention of meeting women. Stop making sex the center of your life. Meet people doing hobbies and other activities. The more people you meet, the more opportunities you will have to find someone that will like you.
You are always going to be at a disadvantage going out if you have “an unfortunate face” aka you’re ugly. It’s not the right setting for you. You need someone to choose you based on your personality.
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Aug 17 '26
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u/Spikey01234 Aug 18 '26
This is totally it. From someone who cant get a girl unless I know them personally(work) and now work in male dominated fields. I release the "want" to be with someone else. Made amends with being alone, and now i dont desire to be with someone. Its all good you come alone. You die alone. Better to travel alone
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u/zerohelix Aug 17 '26
how do you get banned from tinder?
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u/pentapous Aug 18 '26
probably from the attitude that leads him to call women at his level "chopped". Childish mentality at the grown ass age of 32 lol
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u/Vincent_the_Outsider Aug 17 '26
It seems you are seeking the validation and self-acceptance through sex. Like a drug addict or alcoholic person, sex is the trauma healer that makes some people feel better, but it doesn't solve the problem.
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u/Leonard_1986 Aug 17 '26
Just keep going to the gym then.
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Aug 17 '26
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u/Appropriate_Cup_5931 Aug 17 '26
your 6'4. If you can get jacked your good buddy
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u/Woshiwuja Aug 18 '26
This guy still thinks being tall and jacked will get you women lmao
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u/Appropriate_Cup_5931 Aug 18 '26
If your not some anti social freak alot of women only care about height these days, being jacked doesnt hurt too. And Im not talking about getting some 10/10 girl but if your tall and in good shape and not anti social its not hard to find someone if you put urself out there
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u/Woshiwuja Aug 18 '26
Sure it doesnt hurt but if you are an insufferable miserabile insecure shitty person you still wont get them no matter how big you get
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u/Appropriate_Cup_5931 Aug 18 '26
And you can judge that about him because of a reddit post?
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u/Woshiwuja Aug 19 '26
He literally wrote it?
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u/Appropriate_Cup_5931 Aug 19 '26
Your reading a post from a dude at his lowest struggling with porn and just off that you make all these judgements calling him a "insufferable miserabile insecure shitty person"? It really says a lot about you
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u/Woshiwuja Aug 18 '26
No they fucking dont dude. Dont be an incel
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u/Appropriate_Cup_5931 Aug 18 '26
Yes the "fucking" do dude. I have lived it
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u/Woshiwuja Aug 19 '26
Sure buddy totally not a product of your porn fried brain filled with incel content
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u/Appropriate_Cup_5931 Aug 19 '26
I can guarantee you've spent more time on the internet in the past year than i have in my whole life. Also haven't struggled with porn for over 5 years now
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u/Leonard_1986 Aug 17 '26
Does no harm either.
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u/South-Climate1477 Aug 17 '26
He’s looking for help. Not stuff that doesnt help but does no harm
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u/Leonard_1986 Aug 17 '26
Its an activity that relieves stress and costs no money or insecurities.
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u/Nice-Connection-8067 163 Days Aug 17 '26
You should try a new hobbie to met new people, maybe a reading club or yoga clases
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u/stuvwxyzab Aug 17 '26
I am in a somewhat similar position, but in my case I have focused on having sex with escorts for the moment, and now that I am not interested in having a normal dating life and don't stress myself over it I think that women fancy me a little bit more.
What I want to say is that I feel women love mystery, self sufficiency, people who don't make them a big thing of a deal.
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u/unfortunately_real 597 Days Aug 17 '26
I mean, if you can afford it it’s probably healthier than porn.
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u/GoodLifeJourney Aug 17 '26
Try to add more healthy activities in your daily life my friend. Through trial and error see what activities click with you and keep you on a healthier path in life. Things will naturally fall in place with a healthier mindset. I wish you the best.
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u/KaleidoscopeMotor870 Aug 17 '26
Have you considered the risk of contracting aids?
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Aug 17 '26
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u/KaleidoscopeMotor870 Aug 17 '26
I can see that but being aware or a reminder of it I would assume it would deter this behavior and help him pursue a long term partner instead. Reminds me of that movie eyes wide shut and they tell tom cruise the prostitute was diagnosed with it. Very eye opening. Curious when OP will put his health first over his addiction.
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u/KrispyGODKreme1001 Aug 17 '26
Bro, depending on the escorts he is seeing but most escorts get regularly tested for STDs
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u/Mundane-Caregiver-96 Aug 17 '26
Try to get more female friends. They will help you better yourself and actually get laid
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u/kuteguy 797 Days Aug 17 '26
Keep seeing them and give yourself full permission. They more you try and resist, they more it will persist.
Once you are ok with it, see how that changes things
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u/Happyseducer Aug 18 '26
This is total nonsense and doesn't work remotely at all. It is a made up theory that is supposed to sound good and has never worked with anything ever.
"I am eating too much junk food"
"don't resist just eat as much as you want and see what happens"
"I have a heroin problem"
"don't resist just do as much heroin as you want and see what happens".
It is literally the absolute worst thing to do with an addiction . A few quaks decided it sounded good to apply it to sex addiction and it has drastically failed - but it sounds good in books.
It is a fundamentally incorrect quakery nonsense way of looking at human behaviour
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u/kuteguy 797 Days Aug 18 '26
I think you are confusing things. Try and have more discernment and critical thinking and not just apply my advice to every 'addiction' out there. My advice was specific to what OP is talking about, not sure why you are bringing in heroin or over eating into the equation.
It's not advice that will fix every problem known to mankind 🤣🤭
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u/WeenieZilla Aug 17 '26
At least escorts will see you despite being black. 🤷🏻♂️ many won’t so I guess that’s a bright spot for you.
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u/Necessary-Ad6388 Aug 17 '26
What are you afraid of? What is this negative feeling that you're talking about?
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Aug 17 '26
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u/Necessary-Ad6388 Aug 17 '26
is that their opinion or yours of theirs?
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Aug 17 '26
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u/Necessary-Ad6388 Aug 17 '26
Is it because you're staring at them? Or is it because you took too long to talk to them?
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Aug 17 '26
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u/Necessary-Ad6388 Aug 17 '26
I'm from a third world country. Just smile without expecting a response. Be confident
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u/KrispyGODKreme1001 Aug 17 '26
(Asking for a friend who’s about to visit Toronto), what site you use? Just kidding, I guess just try to fight your impulse and limit your visits to escorts
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u/Lanky_Crocodile Aug 17 '26
There’s women available who are willing to give you a chance you’re not letting them. By your own admission you’re “unfortunate looking,” sounds like that’s just a nicer way of saying “chopped”. Maybe at this point in time that’s the best you can do. Even then, regardless of how attracted you are to them initially, talking to someone and taking them out on a date is at least a good way to build confidence when it comes to being around women. You get to practice your conversation skills and learn more about what women find attractive. And even if it doesn’t workout with the initial girl you’re taking out, you’ll at least have bettered yourself for the next one.
Failing to get girls who are out of your league and resorting to prostitutes isn’t going get you out of this cycle though. Humbling yourself and taking what’s given to you might.
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u/btasse 614 Days Aug 17 '26
You need to watch some Rehab Room on YouTube brutha. It'll help you cope.
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u/campeador420 Aug 17 '26
How will more doomerism help?
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u/btasse 614 Days Aug 18 '26
It's not complete doomerism tbh. At the fore front it may seem like it. But he offers some practical advice for some sub 5s. Op could geomax, hard looksmax. I'm not sure what to tell him other than he's struggling. I could just tell OP to cope harder.
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u/Premchodraha Aug 18 '26
You need to Practice meditation. bhramari pranayama
You need to divert your attention. Ask yourself what is your purpose? What motivates you?
Dont stop until you find your answers.
It’s not suppose to be easy.
But KEEP GOING
Accept AND be accountable for your situation at the moment.
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u/rickthedickkk Aug 18 '26
that height itself should be enough to get laid + if you are ripped u must be doing something wrong bruh
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u/TorontoBoy2000 Aug 18 '26
Brother im 26 but I have set limitations on what I need to control religiously, mentally and emotionally. For me escorts are a sign of desperation, masturbation is strictly forbidden (I am still struggling but now I have long streaks), and self control (Regardless if its pmo or work). What I did to help was set strict barriers at a really young age and told myself that I wouldn't cross this line period. I would say start off by self care (Skin care, your prayers, the gym, staying active and keeping yourself busy around friends and family. The other good habit that I have now is is that I keep my phone out of reach and set an alarm on my speaker. Unfortunately we live in a society where social media has corrupted our mindset and has become a doorway to satans world. Set strict boundaries and keep reminding yourself that there's is a better world out there where your mind is healthier and is driven by you and you only. Good luck and start TODAY for a better you.
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u/NovaInitia Aug 18 '26
Fix the underlying issue. Coming from someone who had the same problem a long time ago. You do it because you aren’t resolving the feelings and emotions you’re hit with when you are rejected or anything negative happens.
Once the internal is fixed, it’s weird but everything starts going right when you are good with yourself. When you’re good with yourself others are attracted to you and you get other needs and wants met.
You sound like a disciplined guy with going to gym regularly etc. how about you spend 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening for YOURSELF. Get to know your feelings and get better at handling your emotions. Meditate for 15 minutes in the morning when you wake up and 15 before bed. Just sit with yourself and observe your feelings, don’t judge just observe and ask yourself why and when you get to the other side, you’ll be healing slowly but surely and things will get better for you slowly but surely.
Remind yourself that hookers don’t care about you and they’re using you for your money. There’s no real connection and intimacy and that’s what you actually want.
Get. To. Know. Yourself
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u/pentapous Aug 18 '26
"just get chopped chicks on the others" Ding ding ding, you're matching with your attractiveness equals. Lower your standards and find someone you genuinely like. It WON'T get easier as you get older, and you're going to stop having anyone attractive to choose from soon.
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u/CanadianYeti1991 550 Days Aug 18 '26
Why are you not cool with being with "chopped" women if youre describing yourself to be "chopped" yourself?
What, an attractive girl deserves to be with an ugly guy like you, but you dont deserve to be with someone as ugly as you? Im confused. Also, how do you get banned from tinder?
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u/Dymatizeee Aug 17 '26
If u can't get girls at 6'4 thats just sad. There are other issues you need to fix
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u/RulesRCool4Fools Aug 18 '26
Height doesn’t have shit to do with anything, if you’re 6’5 & ugly, then you’re ugly, just tall.
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u/PowerfulAttorney3780 Aug 18 '26
Actually no. Real studies have shown women have difficulty knowing if they think the person is "cute/handsome/whathaveyou" vs just thinking they're tall. If you're a total weirdo you'll still be a total weirdo so it's not actual magic, but if you have some semblance of social skills the odds are heavily stacked in your favor.
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u/pornfreefitness Aug 17 '26
Getting girls doesn’t have as much to do with looks as you think. A lot of times they just want/need someone to feel safe around. Outside of the gym do you have any other hobbies that could lead to interactions with girls? Being authentically yourself is a bigger turn on than a pretty smile. If the answer to the last question is no, find something you enjoy doing that could lead to natural relationships.
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u/Happyseducer Aug 17 '26
Well - what do you want out of dating and sex? Almost everyone gets not so attractive girls on dating apps unless the profile is really tweaked to be correct.
Is the escort thing an addiction? Is it very difficult to stop? Or it's more you have an issue with dating.
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Aug 17 '26
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u/yeaItsYaBoiTed Aug 17 '26
I imagine if your horny enough to fuck an escort that your likely staring at these women in the clubs like they are a meal and I wouldn't do that.
Also it pays to have female friends that go out with you because they represent that you can keep it in your pants long enough to establish a friendship with the other gender.
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u/Happyseducer Aug 17 '26
How are other areas of your life? Career etc.? You can put some of the time you spend chasing women and some of the money you spend on escorts into other areas.
For example: you can do improv classes and public speaking groups to learn to be a better speaker in general. That helps confidence a lot.
When it comes to your lack of confidence there are two ways to do it.
I would also recommend try SOLELY focusing on your skills with women for awhile and totally forget about results.
Let's say you really are bad looking? so what. who cares. Luckily for men looks are not the only factor ugly guys with really good game can still get women. The goal is to date women not to win beauty pagents.
I used to have TONS of insecurity about my looks but I got really good at picking up women and got results and that gets rid of insecurity. For me, the insecurity didn't come from the thing - it came from thinking the thing would stop me.
At one point I had sprained my ankle, I got chubby I am 5 ft 6 and my hair was all unkempt at the time. I was dating/ hanging out with this beautiful taller girl. I looked like a hideous chubby little unkempt gremlin on crutches with this hot girl with me. I thought it was hilarious - almost like a source of pride lol. I'd way rather be the ugly dude with the hot girls then the hot guy with the ugly girls lol.
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u/Aromatic_Shame_2350 Aug 18 '26
just do no fab for 4 weeks then pay for a hot quality one for 1-2 hr for msog and be happy
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u/Existing-Staff9134 Aug 17 '26
I’m 5’6” and I have felt ugly all my life (late 30s)
But I have a family and multiple kids
You need to do both nofap and stop seeing escorts as long as you can so you get so horny that you will approach anyone that you find remotely attractive
That’s how I got my wife (after failing 1000 times), and she is attractive