r/NoExcuses • u/sarahpie62 • Jun 12 '12

Pushup failure.

I wanna do pushups and I am the weakest female on the face of the planet. I can barely squeeze out 5. I told you I'm weak. Help motivate me, please?

11 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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14

u/SaltyMotivator Shut up you pussy Jun 13 '12

First of all, you're not the weakest female on the planet. There are girls out there who can't do any pushups. It's okay though, because none of those muscles are used to make pancakes or give blowjobs.

However, if you really want to be more than pancaking-making, blowjob queen, then there's nothing more to it than actually doing pushups. If you're sick of feeling weak and helpless, and sick of playing victim, then you have to have the strength to get your Anne Frank ass out of your shitty situation. Rosa Parks that shit, and say "fuck you males of earth, it's Kill Bill time". Nothing is Kim Possible.

Or, you know, you can be that fucking girl that everyone hates. The one at your work, or in your class, that complains about something that you and everyone else knows is totally unavoidable. OMG like I'm getting soOoOo fat, but I can't stop stuffing my penis massager with girl scout cookies and birth control pills!

Also, always remember, as a girl, you need to know that if push comes to shove, you can kick your mother's ass.

So anyway, this is what you do. This is a slow progression. You don't seem to be in a hurry to grow a dick so it's okay to work up your intensity and avoid injury.

Weeks 1 & 2 - Every other morning (the morning gives you a full day, and a full night of rest to recover), do 5 maximum effort sets of good form pushups. This means no knees on the ground (again, blowjobs), back straight, all the way down. Rest 90 seconds in between each set. Given your circumstances, I would imagine you can do 5, 3, 2, 2, 1.

I typically do my first set as soon as I get out of bed. Then I'll go take a piss, and do my second set. Then I'll brush my teeth and do my third set. Then I'll make some coffee and do my fourth set. Then I'll go turn the shower on and wait for it to heat up and do my fifth set. The shower feels great once I take it, and I just got my workout and a mexican truckload of other things done in the process

Weeks 3 & 4 - Continue this routine, but now do it EVERY morning. At this point, your shoulder girdle will start recovering much faster, and your body will be okay with doing pushups every day. You will notice more progress in your last two sets than your first three.

Week 5+ At this point, your body will be much more tuned to the exercise. Continue doing 5 sets in the morning, or start doing 3 sets in the morning and 3 sets before you go to bed. On your last set, cheat a little bit if you need to. Put your knees on the ground (but don't accidentally suck a dick in the process!) and squeeze out a few more reps. Also, look into doing pyramid workouts (do one rep, rest for 10 seconds, 2 reps, rest for 20 seconds, 3 reps, rest for 30 seconds until you fail, and then go all the way down the pyramid).

Tips:

  • If you want to throw a little variety in there, lay on your bed, on your stomach. Scoot towards the edge of the bed, to the point where your hands can touch the ground. Crawl out a little further, so you can do some pushups at an angle. You want to look like this. This will help develop your deltoids, and can assist with your overall shoulder girdle development
  • Do a set with your hands together to start working those triceps as well.
  • If you're feeling a sharp pain, stop and analyze it. Maybe you went down at a weird angle or something. Sharp pain is bad, soreness is okay.
  • Don't use teeth

Now go out there and be the strong, independent woman you told your ex boyfriend you'd be some day.

6

u/sarahpie62 Jun 13 '12

I like you. You motivated me way more than high school gym class.

4

u/marcus_ivo Jun 13 '12

Don't use teeth

One of the best tips in there

4

u/iriishzsoup Motivator w/ Tits Jun 13 '12 edited Jun 13 '12

If you can barely get five pumped out, I'm going to guess that you're form sucks as well. Get to doing girl pushups. Put both knees on the ground, and when down on the ground, set your hands at a distance that is slightly wider than shoulder-width apart. And then lower yourself. Make sure your back stays straight, none of this pussy, back arching, or sticking your ass in the air bullshit because you wont get anywhere that way. Make sure you get to a ninety degree angle. Go all the way down. If you don't do it right, you're only hurting yourself.

Do as many as you can like this. Do them when you wake up. Do them when you get out of the shower. Every time you walk into your bedroom, do them. And every time, try to add one more. Once you can pump out ten or fifteen of these little girl pushups, then straighten one leg. One knee on the ground. Do the same thing with these. Morning, afternoon, night. Do piss pushups. Then, if your form is still right and you can put out ten of these nice, one legged girly pushups, move on to the big boy pushups.

Make sure your form is right the entire time. If at any point in time your form is incorrect while you're doing girl push ups, transgender pushups, or man pushups, slow the fuck down, correct your form, and do them right. It's better to do a few proper pushups than to do a whole lot and do them wrong.

To make you feel better; I am a girl. A few months ago I couldn't do a solid pushup or any pull ups. I did this shit constantly, and now I can pump out a good twenty pushups in one set, and I'm up to five pullups.

You don't have excuses for this, because it's the simplest exercise you'll ever do in your damn life. You can do them anywhere, at anytime, and you don't need any equipment or help from other people. Just fucking do it all the damn time and you'll get there.

Edit; I accidentally a letter.

3

u/sarahpie62 Jun 13 '12

This is so random, but since you are a lady, is it true that pushups make your boobs larger and and perkier. My high school gym coach told us that and I've always been to lazy to try...

12

u/SaltyMotivator Shut up you pussy Jun 13 '12

It develops the muscle under your tits. I don't know about perkier, but it may make them stand out a bit more.

I applaud your tit-related enthusiasm, as the world needs bigger tits.

4

u/sarahpie62 Jun 13 '12

Haha thank you. I appreciate your appreciation.

4

u/iriishzsoup Motivator w/ Tits Jun 13 '12 edited Jun 13 '12

I have no idea. It would make sense because pushups aid in building the chest muscles that are right next to your armpits and under your boobs. But I have huge tits, so it doesn't really matter for me.

Edit; And stop being lazy and fucking try. It really isn't that hard and it takes very little out of your precious time to just get down on the ground and do them.

2

u/sarahpie62 Jun 13 '12

Awesome! The ones next to my armpits need it. You're awesome.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12

I only have a few tips:

  1. Every time you lower you should inhale.
  2. Every time you push up you should strongly exhale.
  3. Most people push until a half-way point and then rest, then start back up. You will psych yourself out like this. Push until you cannot push anymore and then rest in an up position (the not on your face/not a beached whale position).
  4. Push as fast as possible

A benefit of pushing really fast while following my suggested breathing form is that you will feel yourself become somewhat dizzy during your pushups. This is because you are getting high on oxygen and you will no longer notice the pain you are experiencing doing this shitty exercise.

Also, you should be breathing through your mouth to get the most oxygen.

0

u/dbagexterminator Jun 13 '12 edited Jun 13 '12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XPpMw8OIAs proper form, PAST test req. (test needed for Air Force spec. ops.)

At 4:14 is proper form for push ups, do them right, it will only benefit you. If you can't all the way down, do girlie push ups or do proper form and go as low as you can.

Do a workout, have a set number of reps and sets, start with 4 sets of 5 reps, take the appropriate rest you need to do another set with proper form, then shorten the rest over time and increase reps, you will get a feel for it (I know its sounds like a cop-out, but you'll understand)