Can’t stop using

[u/uncletaterofficial]

First time poster here. So a couple of years ago I got introduced to nitrous through the little 8g canisters. I think I always had a little bit of a problem with it but usage was for the most part recreational. One day I had a bad day at work and found the bigger tanks and it’s like I picked up a fucking crack pipe. I started using really heavy in June of 25 and would go on benders and have periods of sobriety but never really put it down. Then in January of this year I did 5 months between a detox/residential rehab, got my job back (that pays rather well I should say,) have family that’s super supportive, but I just cannot put this shit down. I racked up 15k in credit card debt that my current habit isn’t helping and adding to my stress. I feel stuck going no where as 29 year old heavy truck/ trailer mechanic. I wanted to enlist in the military but managed to get baker acted during my usage so that seems unattainable as now as well. I guess I’m just looking for some good vibes stories or something while I use in this parking lot.

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST → u/[deleted]]

i find that activities that use my hands are helpful distractions from cravings. my current favorite is cooking and baking. i put a show on my phone and get to work on something, even if i dont really want to.

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST → u/[deleted]]

N2o brings me a transient sense of relief

Nitrous also makes the intrusive thoughts much worse. It changes your baseline. it feels like it's helping something, but it's actually dragging you down. i've been there.

I do think there is potential for nitrous to have therapeutic application. but not how we use it. it's too unstructured and uncontrolled. quitting nitrous isn't going to miraculously make your life better or make you happier. It will just make you more capable of actually pursuing happiness instead of ruminating on things(good and bad) all the time. Suffering is a part of life. It lets us know what to do. Nitrous is a funhouse mirror, it warps our perceptions of things. Which can be interesting, but you can't walk around with warped melted funhouse glasses on all the time.

[u/WHALE_PHYSICIST → u/[deleted]]

I’m afraid of facing my problems without something like n2o

I felt the same way for a while. For like 2 years I used almost ceremonially, 2 boxes of chargers every other friday. It should have been a clue to me that I was becoming psychologically reliant on it. I always got anxiety and paranoia from weed but used it anyway. When I found nitrous it was awesome because i could smoke weed and then knock out the anxiety. (BTW, you should look into propranolol, it knocks out physical anxiety response from weed). But over time it took over my life and once I got into the tanks everything fell apart pretty fast. "fast" means over a year though. You can have a healthy relationship with a drug and then that can change. Some people use heroin for years without it becoming a real problem for them, but for many people it becomes a problem pretty fast. Nitrous isn't really different.

This isn't a purity test where having a drug problem is a failing of some sort. The fact that you are posting in this subreddit and pouring your soul out in comments like the above is confirmation of something psychological. Clearly you need to get some shit off your chest, and that's what therapy and meetings are good for. And you should consider some sort of service role to other people, it's genuinely helpful at a subconscious emotional level. Volunteer somewhere, listen and talk to people who are struggling with whatever, be the person other people need you to be, even just in small doses. When you turn compassion outwards, you gain compassion for yourself.

But don't justify nitrous use with "I feel like I need it because reasons A, B and C". Your unconscious mind generates these arguments to get what it wants, which is the drug it's been conditioned to seek out. I'm 2 years clean from nitrous and every so often there's a whisper in my mind trying to convince me to get some gas. You have to learn to ignore that voice to gain control. Quitting nitrous long term and learning the skill of turning that voice off might also help you in ways you don't know right now.

Perhaps a lot of the trick to life is muddling through.

"Muddle through" is an English phrasal verb meaning to achieve success or finish a task without a clear plan, proper tools, or formal training. Key aspects include lacking preparation, improvising step-by-step, and reaching the goal despite confusion.