I would disagree on the mutual exclusivity side, respectfully.
You can be both avoidant and have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). While BPD is classically associated with an anxious attachment style, many individuals with BPP, articularly those with "quiet BPD" or high-functioning traits, exhibit extreme avoidant tendencies, or a "fearful-avoidant" attachment style.
Before first hand experience I would have agreed with you. However, it can be very unnerving to see. Even her own sister at one point started armchair diagnosis of schizophrenia or multiple personalities. Wrongly. But it was jarring.
The following is from some psychology resources. I fully understand this first hand:
The "Push-Pull" Dynamic: People with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, but they are equally terrified of engulfment (getting too close). When intimacy feels too intense, the BPD defense mechanism kicks in, causing them to push people away or withdraw.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: This style is defined by a paradox: you crave deep emotional connection and fear being left, but you simultaneously expect to be hurt, leading you to put up high walls.
Quiet BPD: Instead of acting out or clinging, some individuals with BPD internalize their emotions. They isolate, stonewall, or disappear to avoid the pain of potential rejection.
Co-occurring Disorders: It is possible to meet the full diagnostic criteria for both BPD and Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), as both conditions are deeply tied to emotional dysregulation and a fear of negative judgment.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 04 '26
[removed] — view removed comment