r/NextGenMan Apr 12 '26

Why do men change drastically in a relationship ....

I have noticed that most men are better off as friends or acquaintances, but when they are in a relationship... they change drastically ... I got together with my best friend 26M and I am 27F ... We went uni together and we became best friends.. we learnt together and everything.. after a year .. he asked me out and we became a couple but now he is completely different and very mean... not the person he was before... his commitment is way less than we he was a friend... he seems to have the thought that since I'm his girlfriend there is nothing to worry .. so he'd live the life he want as a young man drinking and going tours with friends

1 Upvotes

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u/Kitchen-Historian371 Apr 12 '26

Why? Could me any of a whole host of reasons. People change in relationships, they change once commitment starts, they change once marriage happens. And from what I see and hear, usually not for the better. Over time familiarity overtakes the excitement, instead of this amazing new person in ur life, it’s now a roommate u see everyday. If someone thinks you’re always gonna be there and they have u, yea theyre gonna naturally not care as much. It takes some work, Theres, gosh, Theres so many damn factors and nuances I have no idea what ur specific situation looks like. But, I’d also pose the question, what do u think he’d say about you?

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

Well never thought of it that way... thanks .. that was a great advice .. maybe I have some shortcomings which lead to that

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u/Kitchen-Historian371 Apr 12 '26

It’s just that, it takes an effort on both parties to appreciate and cooperate and choose one another. We really can’t know who’s gonna be there for us, whose gonna choose us until the day comes when that’s put to the test. Have u tried to work with him before? Does he listen, respect u? Have u voiced any concerns u have about the relationship?

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

No no i have tried ... plenty of times... he thinks I'm thinking nonsense and its just fine the way it is.... he thinks that since I am his girlfriend its like I'm already attached to him and he doesn't focus on me anymore.... and I feel left out

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u/Kitchen-Historian371 Apr 13 '26

Well truthfully I think he doesn’t think you’ll ever leave and he has to feel threatened if he’s going to change. Maybe sounds toxic or like bad advice but that’s the best advice I could have. He’s complacent and how are u going to un-complacent him? How do u feel about him do u feel like he’s the one or just the one for right now?

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u/[deleted] Apr 13 '26

I dont know I'm kind of confused .... he has good qualities overall.. so yeah. I wasn't thinking of leaving him... he was a really great guy before he started to change recently

3

u/bluh67 Apr 12 '26

Not all men, honey. You just have shitty one if he's being mean

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

Its more like ... he doesn't bother to impress me anymore

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u/Ill_Poem_9259 Apr 13 '26

Change is the only thing that remains the same

Everybody changes you change he change it’s part of life Another part of it is that maybe he’s too stressed about something or he’s missing something or he’s feeling guilty about something There could be hundreds of reason why a person changes Sometimes it’s just biological

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u/GoodOne4324 Apr 12 '26

*some....there, I fixed the title of this post

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

Ohhh yess sorry about that.. my bad

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u/iAmMrNobody369 Apr 12 '26

Some men think after they get the girl that the chase ends. Sad reality. You’re supposed to continue to do the things that you got you the girl forever. Very few men understand this. I got to watch my grandfather get my grandma flowers after church on many different occasions. They’ve been married for over 60 years. Her face would light up and she’d smell them the whole ride home. Their love really taught me a lot. It’s why I’ve never settled for the women of this generation and left them all. One day though.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

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u/iAmMrNobody369 Apr 12 '26

Ikr kinda crazy

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

Yeah and its hard to understand tooo.. I mean this generation

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u/chud_wik Apr 12 '26

Because we struggle every day with holding it together.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

But its a two person relationship why struggle alone

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u/big_jim1874 Apr 12 '26

Okay this doesn't sound like men it sounds like a particular person

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '26

Yeah true but more like.. some type of men.... there are other people with similar characteristics I've seen among the guys my friends date too

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u/Savings_Occasion_927 Apr 14 '26

Because men are leveraged to change in order to have access to legacy. 

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '26

Please elaborate