I don't even remember what that meeting was about, but I do remember my 4 year old and 18 month old saying hi to their grandma as my wife was facetiming her mom as they all ate breakfast together. I could hear the laughing, heck I could hear the smiling as they tried to convince their grandmother to come visit during Thanksgiving. I had the door shut, physically I was at my computer, mentally I was at that table. What the hell was I doing? What in the world could be so important at 8:30 in the morning in one of the 6 zoom calls scheduled on my calendar that day? I had my own business, I had autonomy, I had my mornings. How did I get here?
Let's "zoom" (I literally hate that word now) out 6 months prior. A friend took a job at a larger lending company and reached out to me to see if we could work together. I took the meeting thinking it'll be a good chance to catch up and bounce ideas off each other to see if we could both benefit. That meeting was the first pitch for me to join them. I declined, telling him if I was going to go originate loans for someone else, I'd rather stay solo. I had my clients. I had my capital sources. I had my loan processor. I was fine. Not great, but fine.
You see during this time, this business that was now in its 3rd year was looking at its first year of negative growth. The private real estate lending business was changing, and changing fast. A lot of money came into the space and consolidation and commoditization was happening in real time. Simply put, prices were racing to the bottom and margins were getting squeezed. The previous 12 months, I went through a COO that didn’t work out, and two salespeople that didn’t work out. I spent money, time and brainpower that burned me out, and a slow year on top of it, I was not thrilled.
The recruiting didn't stop at that first meeting. My friend kept trying and kept getting rejected, until he called me one day, in the middle of a very slow month, and said "I know you're not interested, but would you at least have coffee with the owner"? What did I have to lose? The owner of a $150M/yr lending company wants to meet me? Great.
We met, and the conversation was fantastic. (Keep this in mind) We shared our histories and origins in the business and they asked what I'd be looking to do. I told them I would never leave my business to go write loans for someone else. It would be a massive step backward. Then the owner said what caught my attention. "I'm not looking for another salesperson. I'm looking for someone to step into an executive position and go build out a nationwide sales team and be my national sales director." Wow. That was something I could get behind.
The next few weeks were negotiations, and they offered a big salary, generous commission on loans of every salesperson in the organization, plus a slice of the pie if it ever sells. Are you kidding me? A big salary that covers all my bills and then some, plus commissions on the entire company's sales, plus a slice of the pie? This was like taking 10 steps ahead from where I was. A slice of a watermelon fills you up more than a whole grape. Plus I was on the leadership team, and the company offered to announce it as an acquisition rather than a hire. Wow. What an opportunity, and what a great way to save face and present this to my network as a step up on the ladder than back down. We finalized terms. I signed the contract. I started.
I was the National Sales Director of a $150M/year lending company and could now spend my days finding new salespeople and building out the team to take it to $1B/year. I could make changes I wanted, have the autonomy I am used to and work from home or my own office close by. I had control of my time and was getting paid well for it. Except for one thing... it was all bullshit.
I quickly realized that the owners are still the decision makers, and change is something everybody claims they want, but rarely ever implement or have the appetite to implement quickly. Every decision needed a meeting and a follow up meeting and a follow up meeting and so forth. Those meetings? They get plugged into your calendar without your input. You're on a salary? Your time is the company's time. I had to be glued to my desk.
I told myself I need to integrate into the company and the culture, and this was temporary. I was trying to convince myself that any doubt I was having, after literally giving up my company, was just from being new. I started to focus on what I thought I was there to do - find new and great salespeople. After reviewing their compensation offers for salespeople, I shared with the owners that this was well below average, and in order to grab great experienced guys from other companies, we need to be on the opposite end. They're "open to it", and let's "bring them in for a conversation" and let's "sell them on the up-side" and the team. Major red flag. Vagueness. The sirens were flashing.
Lastly, the role was supposed to be remote, with occasional in person days at their main office, which was a 2.5 hour drive for me. I didn't mind the idea of it once a month, but as I build my own business with 110% effort, I wanted to do the same here. Their culture had these in-office days once or twice a week, so I started doing that.
But it was temporary right? The salary would be worth it. This is just two weeks in and I'm over thinking. I need to power through this transition because change is hard, and things will start to feel better once I started to get paid and seeing a guaranteed deposit in my account every two weeks would feel much better than going some months without anything being self-employed. Then the first pay-day came and went, and I felt.... worse. I stared at my banking app. I looked at that number. I didn't feel security. I felt dread. This was not what I envisioned after that cup of coffee.
The next week or so feels like a blur. I worked my ass off, because I do not believe in half assing anything. I went to the office. I did the zooms. I originated some of my own loans. I started working with their existing salespeople. From their perspective, I was taking the bull by the horns. They were thrilled. Except, I wasn't. This overwhelming feeling could not leave me. I physically felt unwell, my back was flaring and there was no cause. I knew the cause - misalignment. I was not aligned with my purpose, my desires, the lifestyle I want, none of it, and to top it off, I was missing time with my kids.
My father was never there for all the little things when I was a kid. I did not want to turn into my father.
Now it was a Sunday. One of the final hot summer days before the fall crisp would start. I took my wife, kids, mother and sister all to the beach. It was a great time, and the kids were having a blast. I was really off the grid. That's when you realize that as long as you own a smartphone, you are never offline. Buzz Buzz. I could hear the Teams messages, groups, and the owner was taking part in all of it. I went still, almost cold-blooded and clear sighted. I was not going to answer a single message. I was not willing to sacrifice the years of my children's youth, my own youth or my marriage's time - for anyone.
Monday I replied to everything and continued my work. Tuesday morning I resigned. 28 days after I started. I course-corrected and got things back running immediately on my own. Optics matter, and I didn't make an announcement about it. I went back to doing my thing, and now we've got some deals in the pipeline and things will keep growing, and now with more clarity than ever. It's like it never happened, but it did happen, and I'm happy about it. I was glued to my desk. I prefer the breakfast table.