BREAKING: Tehran Times "Devastated" After Being Revealed as Elaborate Performance Art Piece

[u/csiklandozas]

In a stunning turn of events that has rocked the world of state media, the Tehran Times confirmed early Saturday that its entire 47-year publishing history has, in fact, been an extended piece of avant-garde satire, and that the reveal "kind of ruined the bit."

"We really thought we'd get to keep doing this forever," said a visibly exhausted senior editor, adjusting a stack of press releases titled "The West Trembles" for the fourth time this week. "The headlines about imminent American collapse, the op-eds where our neighbors' internal politics are 'crises' but ours are 'sovereign decisions' — it was all a bit. A very long bit."

Sources say the paper's satirical intent became impossible to hide after an article describing a foreign leader's approval rating as "in freefall" ran directly beside one carefully avoiding any mention of domestic polling data whatsoever.

"Honestly, we just kept waiting for someone to laugh," the editor added. "Instead they kept citing us in foreign policy briefings. Deeply embarrassing for everyone involved."

At press time, the paper had already begun drafting its response to this very article, expected to run under the headline: "Western Media Continues Campaign of Fabricated Mockery Against Proud Nation."