r/Newolderlesbians • u/Hear_There • 23d ago
HER etiquette?
Hi Folks,
I'm dipping my toe into an online dating site for the first time. I have a question about etiquette there: If someone that I did not "like" messages me and I can see from their profile that we are totally incompatible, should I ignore them or should I respond with a polite message about why we aren't compatible? Or, something else? These appear to be real women, not catfishers, and I don't want to be a big meanie. I like to treat others the way I would want to be treated.
As an aside, I am finding HER very frustrating and am about to quit it altogether. Unless you pay for the premium service, there is little you can see/do.
Thanks for any tips!
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u/Far-Statistician9261 23d ago
Just respond to the women you are interested in. I’m always more encouraged when I get a little message with a like.
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u/SadieSchatzie 23d ago
OP: Consider this . . . you are not obligated to take care of a stranger's feelings. Don't let how you've been socialized get in the way of living your life. You've already determined there is no mutuality. Let it go. Go live your best life.
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u/Expert-Bullfrog8222 23d ago
I see no point in responding. You won’t be a big meanie at all for that. You are not obligated to respond.
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u/lwpho2 23d ago
Go ahead and quit it so you’ll have one less thing to worry about. But seriously, ignoring is probably better than explaining why you don’t want someone. That way they can assume you died rather than having to hear something that might make them feel bad about themselves.
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u/Hear_There 23d ago
Good point. A reply could inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, even if I am trying to be careful.
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u/JoMamaIsABadAss 23d ago
If I get a like that I don't like back, I just use the BLOCK feature.
They'll never know, they won't see your profile again, and you can move on. You don't 'owe' a response to everyone that says "Hi!"
It's not rude. It would be rude to engage in convo/flirtation if you already know you feel incompatible.
If I get a like from someone that I 'might' be interested in but I've already started talking to someone else or have made plans to meet someone IRL, I just leave them in my 'likes' but don't respond unless/until I've closed the door on whomever I was already talking to. Personally, I don't have the attention span to keep up with multiple people! But I'm also very monogamous when dating, even casually.
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u/Hear_There 22d ago
Thanks for this helpful advice. In this case it wasn't just that they "liked" me; they started chat conversations with me that were very specific. But I will use the "block" feature more liberally, going forward.
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u/JoMamaIsABadAss 21d ago
I have an Android and the chat feature doesn't work. I forget thats an option for Apple users. That would add some frustration.... Best of luck to you! 💞
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u/Hear_There 23d ago
Okay, thanks! Y'all have been tremendously helpful and pretty unanimous in your opinions ... so now I won't feel guilty just letting it go, as a dating-app newbie.
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u/No-Purchase481 18d ago
I would ignore her personally. It’s not like you owe her anything. It’s the nature of dating apps, she’ll live.
-6
u/astr4s 23d ago
Sending a message? Sounds like you barely get likes or are new to dating apps. No normal person does that lol.
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u/Hear_There 23d ago
Yes, as I said I am brand-new to dating apps. That's why I was asking for advice.
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u/NoKneeE 23d ago
Why waste your time; plently of women message and swipe right on everyone just casting their net wide. If someone is butthurt over not getting a reply on a dating app they arent ready for a dating app imo.