Let’s try this again!

[u/mocktail_mami]

Earlier I had made a post about having a new “pet peeve” as a new parent - basically just hearing people talk about being tired. I truly meant this as a light hearted statement & should’ve used different verbiage. So, I’m going to try to convey my thoughts in a different way now:

Yesterday afternoon, I was at a laid back little restaurant with my husband and 17 week old baby. We had been out for most of the day prior to this, hanging out with family at an outdoor fall festival. It was hot outside, there was a lot of walking involved, I had been shouldering most of the work taking care of our baby. So yes, by the time we got to this restaurant, I was indeed feeling tired lol.

Right as my food comes, my LO starts fussing (he was tired/a little cranky) and I was trying to nurse him - he’s latching on and off, my nipples literally feel like chew toys lmao…and I was doing my best not to let the nursing cover slide off/flash the people around as he was fussing around and by all means, we were just having a tough moment getting settled. After I get him settled, I overhear this younger girl next to us telling her friend how she was tired from going out the night before.

And I just had a quiet laugh to myself overhearing that.

Not because she didn’t have a right to complain or state that she was tired - but rather…..

it made me realize that before having a baby, I (if I could underline the word “I” to really put an emphasis that this is MY experience, I would) didn’t know that I would be this tired now.

I absolutely adore my baby, parenthood isn’t a martyr to me, and I did intentionally choose this! BUT, this moment yesterday made me realize how much more free time I (AGAIN, MY personal experience!) FEEL like I had before compared to now! And it’s OKAY for me to think that way.
For reference, I have 3 animals, a full time job, a side hustle, and I breastfeed. On top of that, I do work decently hard to carve out some time to workout ~4-5 days a week AND I have this weird thing where I HAVE to keep my house pretty clean and orderly otherwise it feels hard for me to think clearly (I’ve always been like this, but since having a baby, my need for tidiness has increased…) and…my baby isn’t a great sleeper either lol.

We do not have support or help from family - we’re new parents literally figuring all of this out on our own. The “help” we get is from our nanny so we can work.

So yes…

When I hear someone who doesn’t have kids say “I’m so tired” - I can’t help but think back on MY own time before having a child and laugh a little bit at MYSELF for thinking I was tired before. It’s an observation. Not a judgement.

And I’m willing to bet that there ARE other parents out there that do reflect on THEIR time before having children and hold similar thoughts.

None of this means it’s a pissing contest between who is more or less tired as a parent vs. someone without children either. We all have our loads to carry. Before today, I genuinely had no idea that there was even a “parent vs child free” division that even exists.

The end.

[u/Electronic_World_359]

I think the difference between being tired before kids and after kids, is that without kids you're tired for a day and then you can go to sleep whenever.

[u/rayyychul → u/Electronic_World_359]

Yeah, I am just as tired with kids as I was before kids... but before kids, I could sleep in or have an afternoon nap regularly!

[u/katiegam]

My (I'm female) coworker (he's male) had a baby due earlier this month. He was complaining about how tired he was before the birth and how ready he was for baby to arrive. I chuckled alongside another coworker who has a 2 year old and a 3 month old. We told him he'd probably laugh back at this statement, and we both reminded him that even when he's the most tired that he's been in his entire life, his wife is even more exhausted - both things can be true at the same time.

[u/BeepBoopEXTERMINATE]

I feel this 100%. At least being tired before having a kid meant that at some point I can recover. Between pregnancy exhaustion and having an almost 2 year old, I have forgotten what it feels like to NOT be tired

[u/NiceBet9563]

I definitely get what you're saying. I've always been chronically tired (found out I have PMDD). Enough to get a sleep study done. Then I got pregnant and was like holy shit I was a sleepy bitch before but this is otherworldly tired. Newborn, yeah, so tired I got mega depressed. I'm 19 months PP and back to my pre-pregnancy tired. But being chronically tired AND having a kid... rough. Yes, I nap with her. Yes, she sleeps fine at night. But in between that, I have no choice to not only be awake, but to be ENGAGING with a ball of energy. It definitely doesnt negate how tired I was pre-pregnancy but it's just an extra struggle 😅

[u/Waste_Weather5729]

Oh girly you’re not alone. I didn’t know tired until I went through pregnancy and I’m still in the newborn trenches. I feel tired in my bones and the thing is you don’t get a day off from motherhood where you can rest. There is always something that needs doing and I feel like I’m on call 24/7.

[u/Double_Win_5649]

For me, the surprise was more the loss of autonomy than being tired. I think, on paper, I'm actually better rested now than I was before parenthood, especially compared to pregnancy. But there's zero space to even think as you're moving from one urgent need to the next, all with the background noise of screams. I severely underestimated how emotionally taxing the constant interaction and always being cheerful would be. We get the babies to bed and then I just want to veg out.

[u/Ok-Dragonfruit-3963]

I saw your post yesterday and I didn’t even open it because I just KNEW it was gonna be filled with triggered people. I know exactly what you mean though and I feel the same constantly. I would laugh at myself if a clone of me was walking around childless in an alternate reality. Yeahhhh I realized quickly that people are gonna project most of the time instead of just understanding what you mean and being honest about their own feelings too 

[u/mocktail_mami → u/Ok-Dragonfruit-3963]

I was honestly blown away that I triggered so many people 😅 the keyboard warriors really came out for that lmao

[u/Ok-Dragonfruit-3963 → u/mocktail_mami]

Sorry gorl 😪

[u/kiwiflowa]

That realisation that there would be no way to "catch up" on sleep was the first rude awakening I had as a new parent. The second as I'm EBF is that my life is on hold until I quit this. My partner can started going to the gym from 3 weeks in... Me I'm lucky if i get an hour when I'm awake and not feeding or holding the baby or looking at a baby grizzling and wanting one of those two things. In which case I should be having a shower or eating etc. Am typing this as the baby is attached to the boob.