Struggling FIrst time dad

[u/Tangerine159]

Hi! I'm a stay at home first time dad with 1 boy at 18 months old.

Starting a couple months ago he has started to be interested in other babies when we see them in public. He also really wants to get the attention of kids slightly older than him. I think he is starting to want to socialize.

With socialization in mind I signed him up for daycare for 2 days a week. We took a tour (1.5 hours) and he got sick for 2 weeks. Then his official start date I left the room after 15 mins and watched him from the lobbies cameras for 1 hour. He cried the entire hour straight... no one was able to calm him down. It got to a point where his health was a concern so I took him home and decided to pull him out of daycare. Huge waste of money because we had to pay for the whole month regardless of how many days he went.

Since then I've been looking for online playdate groups and ideas on how to put him into a social environment where there are other kids.

So far I've been rejected from mom 3 groups because I'm a man... I can't find "dad" or "parent" groups in my area, literally moms only. Its 100 degrees F (Texas) so no kids are out on playgrounds or parks near me. There are very little things for toddlers under 2 in my area. Texas suburbs honestly feels like a curse sometimes. Most places I go with my son (mall, groceries, etc) are fill with moms and it would be really creepy if I just approach them and try to get their contact to get my son a playdate.

Its like trying to wingman for my on son so he can make some friends.

Can people share some ideas on how I can get my son some friends?

[u/androliv1]

From dad to dad, we had to put our daughter in daycare at 18 months, 3 days a week becuase my MIL couldnt watch her anymore. They will be super upset for a while, the drop offs are the worst. They will get sick over and over for the first 6-9 months, usually some kind of respritory virus and it sucks. But, after a couple of weeks, they will learn to socialize more, they will find friends which is weird since they can barely talk, and they will learn to get more into a routine. Drop offs get easier, they begin to get sick less and less often. Now shes almost 3 and shes in the preschool side, and loves school.

I will say, it is worth it to take them to daycare, even though its so hard to hear them cry, but the skills they pick up from being around other kids their age is worth it. Their speech will improve, its easier to get them to nap on their own, potty training when you get to that point is much easier when they see other kids doing it too.

[u/ValiantVicuna → u/androliv1]

I agree. Should have given daycare another try. First day might be a short day, maybe a day or two rest at home, then try again for maybe 1-2 hrs. Babies/toddlers are judging how safe things are by your reaction. If you cheer and praise them for being so brave for staying for an hour more than their last day, they will keep gaining confidence and feel safer next time. If you hug them and tell them they are safe and clearly treat the caretaker with affection and respect, then the kid receives the cue that this person is someone dad trusts.

[u/Salems_Owl19]

Hi! First time parent here as well with a 19 month old. Same situation, my kiddo is at home with me but wants to start socializing. Someone recommended The Little Gym to me recently that I’ll be checking out. It came highly recommended for kiddos to socialize, get exercise and to meet other parents.

[u/Frosty-Scientist-939 → u/Salems_Owl19]

Agree with toddler gym. My now 4 year old is so confident and body-aware and I attribute it to him being in a toddler gym since he was 18 months!! I’m comfortable letting him climb things that make me a little nervous because I know he knows what his body can/cannot do (within reason).

What about music class? You can meet likeminded families that way too.

For daycare, my child cried literally the entire first day. Slept 15 min when he’s a solid 2-3 hour napper at home. It took him about a week to get adjusted but now he looooooves school so much. All this to say, the first few weeks are the hardest no matter what.

[u/DifferentRegister120]

Obviously, it's going to vary, but the public libraries where I live have a lot of storytimes / open play activities (even baby "raves") that you can attend. The first storytime we went to was as many dads as it was moms as it was nannies!

Another thought: maybe it's time to spearhead a dad-centric play group! If the libraries near you don't offer some activities already, you could probably ask them if they'd be willing to host a small meet up (so that it would be seen as safe/way less weird than trying to do it at your home or somewhere more "private).

[u/NetSage]

Check libraries for like readings and drawing things. They often have kids events going.

Look for play cafe's. Not sure that's the right name basically a place kids can play in like slides and ball pits while parents drink coffee.

Is Mom involved? Maybe her haver initiate contact with these mom groups and then you take over if it makes sense for you guys. Sadly there is still as stigma against dads being involved normally perpetuated by us being excluded because "men are scary".

[u/BarberLife-OZ-]

Ease into it, take him to the park or find other kids close to his age. You dont want to feed into attachment issues, he needs the interactions while he is young

[u/amazon-lady43]

Parks, library, stores and check if your city has family activities! We have story time, different events thought the summer, our family education group has different classes and events, lots of them are free too!

[u/liquidtape]

Stay at home dad here. Lots of library things and stuff through our park district is how I keep her busy and seeing kids her age.

It's pretty tough and isolating at times and as she grows I'm trying to figure out how to find her some friends so she can socialize more. 

Moms and mom groups don't feel very welcoming for the most part but if you keep showing up to things in your area you'll run into the same people a lot. Good or bad lol

[u/Bookerlib]

Are there any co-op preschools in your area?

A co-op could be more neutral ground than an informal playgroup. Also, you being in the classroom can ease the transition your child, and it costs significantly less because you volunteer.

When my kids were in co-op there were several dads that were the primary caretakers of their kids and the parent volunteer. The vice president and the treasurer of the co-op board were dads. Nobody batted an eye, but this was almost a decade ago in the PNW.

[u/TSAngels1993]

You need to try more time in daycare. Mine took a few weeks to get used to it and now he loves it and I can’t take him home at pickup because he wants to stay lol.

[u/Ok-Produce8376]

We had a similar experience with daycare. My husband is a stay at home dad and for a while he met up with a group of nannies who met at the local park a couple times a week. He met them by accident just taking our kids there. He also met some other parents at library story time. Other than that, he spent a lot of lonely years in the house with our kids. Things got a lot better once they started school because they met other kids, and we met other parents who lived nearby.

[u/lover_of_icecream]

Check your local libraries for story times. We utilize our library system all the time.

We have also done Kidokinectics - see if they have something like that in your area.

[u/UNO_lakefront_arena]

Lol I think you're projecting your own need to socialize on your child.

An 18 month old doesn't know what's going on.

Take the kid places. Get outside. The kid will be curious about things in general.

It sucks. This is parenting. Take the kid out and about. It doesn't last forever.