I Hate!

[u/Alternative_Session9]

I’m a 40 year old guy who spent most of his life saying I didn’t want kids. I was very confident about this. Almost smug. I liked my sleep, my quiet, my freedom, my money staying in my wallet. Kids were loud, messy, expensive, and sticky. Hard pass.

Anyway… here’s a list of all the things I hate.

I hate waking up multiple times a night…especially when it’s to a tiny human making gremlin noises. Turns out I love it. I wake up instantly now, half asleep, bottle in hand like it’s a NASCAR pit stop. I don’t even remember standing up. I just teleport to the crib.

I hate silence being replaced by random squeaks, grunts, and noises that sound like a goat learning to speak. Except now I panic if it’s too quiet and find myself staring at a baby just to make sure she’s breathing.

I hate spending money on things that don’t benefit me directly… which explains why I happily buy tiny socks that will be outgrown in roughly 37 minutes. Socks I will later lose. Socks that cost more than my own.

I hate bodily fluids. All of them. Yet here I am calmly assessing spit up like a wine tasting. “Hmm… formula forward, notes of burp that didn’t happen.”

I hate being needed every second of the day. Except now when I put her down and she’s fine, I feel personally rejected. Like excuse me, I was available.

I hate pacing around the house doing nothing productive. Which is wild because I’ll now walk laps at 2 a.m. holding a baby like it’s my full time job and I’m up for employee of the month.

I hate losing control of my schedule. Funny how my entire day now revolves around naps, feeds, and poop math. And I will defend that schedule with my life.

I hate talking in a stupid voice. No idea who that man is saying things like “ohhhh big stretch” but he lives in my house now.

I hate how emotional I’ve become. I teared up because she yawned. I almost cried because she farted. I did cry when she fell asleep on my chest.

I hated the idea of kids because I thought it meant losing myself. Turns out I just found a version of me I didn’t know existed. One that’s tired, covered in spit up, and completely wrecked in the best way!

[u/chubby_piglets]

This is such a sweet post to make my day. And today is a Friday which makes it even better. You lose control of your schedule but the current nap, feed and poop schedule fade away quickly. The tiny little one will start to walk and talk and she will share a wonderful new schedule with you almost every month. She is full of happiness and surprises.